What's in a size 2?

I often say that my journey is less about me and more about the people I help, which is so true, but sometimes they help me and remind that health, fitness, and a good life starts in your mind! How we speak to ourself and what we think of ourself and our worth. I'm going to be completely vulnerable and share a struggle that many women of all sizes and shapes can often have. Having a healthy body image. Do you know what that means? Do you know why it's important and do you know how to improve it? 

I'm going to paint you my picture. So for me for the most part I've actually really worked on maintaining confidence and a healthy body image. Years of competing in figure I struggled with comparing myself to others as that's the nature of the sport, but I came out stronger, realizing genetics and different body types are what they are and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I TRULY have learned to love myself and my body, and most importantly not attach a worth to a goal. BUT when I start working a little harder towards a fitness goal or tracking my progress a little more, sometimes being my worst critic can creep back in. I'm top heavy (and nursing doesn't help that cause), so if I wear the wrong shirt it can make me look ten-fifteen pounds heavier easily. I'm also short and curvy, people will call me tiny and I don't EVER feel tiny, EVER. I carry more muscle than most women (not as much as I use to - but still more than most), and I don't shy away from muscle as I love shaping my body and lifting weights. So all of these things that make up my body can make up feeling fit, but not "skinny", which is my preferred look anyway, but sometimes it does get to my head. I'll catch a glimpse of myself and feel extra thick that day. Or I'll go to try something on and my quads will look extra big in them. This last week was a perfect storm. I tried on bikinis at TARGET - the devil of all dressing room lighting - save yourself- don't do it and I felt like WTH? (I bought one anyway because well it is what it is, I thought). Then I wore an ill fitted shirt for being top heavy and not a great bra and felt SO FRUMPY. Often my way to deal with not putting too much worth on my body is that I will disconnect from it, I will convince myself I really don't care. I'm so many other things beside my body. Things that don't have anything to do with how I look. And so I abandon negative self talk and leave it all right there to die. But sometimes that can backfire because while I don't want to place too much worth on my body, what I put into my body IS IMPORTANT to me. My health is important to me, so I can't just tell my brain it doesn't matter. It does, for other reasons and a healthier body image is a result. So fast forward to Easter Sunday - it was a low key Easter - gorgeous day with just our family so I hadn't planned outfits. Looking through my closet last minute thinking I want something comfy but cute because it was in the 80s. I grabbed this dress and looked at the tag EXPRESS SIZE 2- ugh my boobs are never going to fit into that I thought so I passed it by. I came back around to it... Well I guess there's no harm in trying it on to just see how it fits. So I put it on, zipped it up and sat there. It was perfect. And I thought, the body I've been seeing for the last week felt like a busted can on biscuits. Really in my head I think I wanted to try the dress on to show myself that I wasn't close to feeling "summer ready". But when it zipped why did I light up? Why did that size 2 make me feel a way I wasn't feeling when I had been looking in the mirror? Because I allowed my image of "tiny", "skinny", creep in. It's everything I'm not and I've always actually worked hard to be more sculpted and built. What has been influencing me? I don't know. But I do know that I took a pic in this dress to remind me that we ARE what we say we are. We FEEL how we say we feel. And no matter what shape or size we can determine our strength, and our energy by what we do with our bodies, but  not by what we think they look like or should look like. Now many industry professionals would shy away from sharing this. It's bad for your brand, you're the role model yada yada and I'm sharing because I want you to know EVERYONE deals with it. No matter your shape, size, or goals. But you can learn how to make your body image healthier and not need validation from a tag. Now that I type it I realize how silly it sounds. And please don't think I'm here saying don't celebrate a size if that's your goal, that's not my point, my point is don't put so much worth on it that you lose yourself trying to get there. 

Body image is the way you see yourself and imagine how you look. Having a positive body image means that, most of the time, you see yourself accurately, you feel comfortable in your body, and you feel good about the way you  look. It is common to struggle with body image, no matter who you are.  Severe negative body image can lead to serious eating and exercise disorders. 

We do not develop our body image all on our own. The people around us and our culture strongly influence it. We get both positive and negative messages about our bodies from family and friends all the time — starting from when we’re very young. For example, we may develop a love of exercise and a sense of being strong and capable if our parents share their own enjoyment of physical activity with us. On the other hand, we may develop a negative body image if our parents criticize the way we look.

We also get messages about body image from television, magazines, films, and other media. Many of the beliefs we have about the way women and men “should” look come from the models and celebrities we see in the media. But models and celebrities do not look like most people. For example, on average, women who are models have very different builds. They weigh 23 percent less than women who are not models.

• Remember that health and appearance are two different things.
• 
  
• Accept and value your genes — you probably inherited a lot of traits from your family members, so love those traits as you love your family.
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• Keep a list of your positive qualities that have nothing to do with your appearance.
• Surround yourself with people who are supportive and who make you feel good about yourself.
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• Treat your body with respect and kindness.

~Define Who You Want To Be 

Money doesn't buy happiness. But it buys freedom, and choices, and opportunities. And those are necessities for me.

I suited my hubby up in this months prizes from our #milliondollarchallenge with our company and posted it to Instagram, initially just to share my fun swag we win ever month from our company and then my share turned into a blog post. That's how passion and my brain works. "Coincidentally" (not really) the prizes came on the same day that I was able to finish 95% of my Christmas shopping completely with MY monthly commission from my "side business" without touching our checking account. And the same day I was offered another opportunity within my industry. AND I purchased my tickets to our next business conference in January. CONTINUAL GROWTH. I can't tell you how on top of the world I felt. I DO NOT say that at all to brag, because let's be real I'm most impressed by modesty and memories over things, but I share it because my MINDSET with money and abundance has been something I've been working on diligently. 

Having enough while striving to grow can be a tricky line to walk. Do you feel guilty for wanting more? Greedy even? Is it hard to celebrate success, without fear of failing and losing it?  Does your gratitude and contentment cloud your drive or visa versa? 

Let me ask you this. Are you putting out a vibrational frequency that is a match for abundance? Woah. What? Let me say it again. Are you putting out a vibrational frequency that is a match for abundance? Lately I don't share much of my personal development too openly because quite frankly, I'm newer to it and it freaks me out a little how the universe responds so directly. I have a fear of sounding cray cray (because I'm finding my footing in this), but I feel I need to share because it has been so very powerful in my life. And I believe that sharing is paying it forward to open others eyes if they do choose. 

The beginning of this year 2016 we made a large family decision to have my husband resign from a job he loved and was doing well in as a regional sales manager (that involved a lot of travel) to take a local job that had potential to grow lucratively but took a step back initially in order to no longer have to travel. That was a scary choice for our family, but we knew it was necessary. If you can provide the necessities for your family, there is no price you can put on time with your family and we had missed that with my husband traveling so much for work. In this transition we also decided that I would be able to grow my business more to supplement the differences in lifestyle now that I had a husband home to help. And that's where BELIEF in being a sustainable business came in. Not just something I do because it gives me something to do for me. But an actual business, and I felt the shift. I can't tell you enough, if you treat your business like a side business it will remain just that. A fun hashtag #momprenuer, something you pick up when you want and put down when you want and makes you a few hundred bucks a month. There's nothing wrong with that at all!! If that's your goal. But if your goal is more, you have to work it differently, and your mindset must follow. But immediately when I started to make these shift I felt some personal blocks with doubts, insecurities and being uncomfortable with talking about the money side and growing creep in. To me that's always been something private, don't all about money it's tacky. BUT when you're in business for yourself and leading a team you have to have a clear vision of where you're going, and what your goals are and what their goals are and often that vision needs a tangible number. I struggled here. So I took to some deep business training and self development. Literally just this past Sunday working more on my fear cleanse self development I worked through some abundance and money mantras and then Monday was my hot spot of an abundant lucrative fulfilling aha day. The day after I focused on this training. Not a coincidence. I'm sorry, it's just not. 

One of the things I should mention is that when my husband gave up his regional sales position he gave up his quarterly bonuses we had become accustom to, and his largest bonus being his end of the year Christmas bonus. I never budgeted or saved for Christmas because we were able to use part of the Christmas bonus without worry. Since his pay structure changed we had to adjust, and this year was the first year without the set bonus that we were use to. Juggling, saving, and budgeting was stressing me out a bit to bs honest, but I was trying to have a positive mindset. These sacrifices were worth our big picture. Then without realizing our consistent, persistent, determined growth, my Isa bonuses and commissions more than covered Christmas and I didn't have to touch our savings or checking account. I can't begin to tell you how amazing that felt. I need to mention that I'm not talking anything away from my husband as a provider as he's exceeding his own goals but this was entirely new to ME. Personally. Again I say it not to brag at all but to share hope for those who understand that Mommy to boss position I'm feeling. I'm 34 years old. My husband has always been our family provider. I've worked part time and been an entrepreneur and contributed when it fit for our family, but never truly allowed myself to believe I could actually make a 6 figure income doing this. That's for rockstars, I told myself. That's for people with more experience. That's for people that have more time. Or for people who choose to work and not stay home with their kids. It wasn't realistic to me. In July I sat down with a great friend and mentor and told her my goals, then I backed them down and justified backing them down because I hadn't been successful in hitting them prior to this shift. She sat and said ~ your original goals are 100% realistic YOU just need to decide if that's what you want. Had I really decided prior to that? No. I had hoped. But didn't decide. Because my husband has been the primary bread winner my life didn't "require" those goals. We were comfortable. I was comfortable. And that comfort zone is where you go to die. I was dying. I was happy in my life as a mother and a wife, but as a business owner, an independent woman... I wasn't growing a business. I was making money off of a hobby I loved at best. I needed a shift. And it started in my mind. 

So here are some of the mantras I've been working with: 

"Manifestation is just becoming that which you desire. 

Become the belief system that you want to attract. 

Yes I am worthy. 

I am open to creative possibilities. 

Money flows to me freely. 

I earn abundantly for my great work. 

Working on getting my energy into a place of prosperity, receptivity, worthiness and an abundant mindset. "

You can continue to HOPE you get what you desire or you can work to change your mindset. Work to change your vibration. And work to BECOME the belief system you will attract. If you are reading this now and saying I want that. Can I do that? I'm telling you YOU CAN. Am I an expert? No. Am I at the top of my goals yet? Hell no. But I am clearly on my way and reaping the results of the changes. I've found tools, classes, books, groups, trainings and I simply won't stop until I get there. Hello universe and other Boss Ladies that are ready! I have stepped up and it feels amazing. Thank you for allowing me to shine even when I try to dull my own light. 

If you want to learn more about the training I'm doing with Gabby Bernstein here is a short video on this subject: https://youtu.be/wGpACxNYozo

~Define Who You Want To Be 

I choose to see love instead of fear - Day 3 of 42 FEAR CLEANSE

For the next 42 days I am working with an amazing group of women and a guidebook by Gabrielle Bernstein on a FEAR CLEANSE. A guid of subtle shifts for radical change and unlimited happiness. Why? Because it's 100% FOR ME. Unapologetically. I feared how to post this correctly and not use my children for a conceived "political/racial stance". But here goes... 

"Dear Inner Guide: I am committed to transforming my fears to love. I will open my heart and mind to love and I will let my intuition guide me. I welcome all the spiritual assignments that may come and I am ready, willing, and able to smother my fears with the light of love. I choose to see love instead of fear." 

Fear- is homeschooling enough, am I doing right for my kids? Am I doing a good job? 

Fear- what are the opportunities my children will have because of our position in life? How can I balance improving that without losing site of what our family philosophies are? 

Fear- what does the future hold for minority children? Are we going backwards in terms of hate and equality? Will my children have to fight a battle that I myself have truly never had to? 

Fear - will sharing this make me look crazy or weak? 

"There's always a loving perspective. Today I welcome new perceptions. I am willing to let go of my old limiting beliefs and let love enter in. I choose to believe that there is always a loving perspective. I choose to see love."

SHIFTS

🔶Homeschooling is currently the fit for our family, I feel it in every ounce of my being. My kids are thriving. It's not always perfect, but in 16 years of parenting I've yet to find the perfect education fit that fits into our needs and lifestyle. This makes sense. My kids are happy, curious learners, blossoming. I choose love, not fear.

🔶You can give a child every opportunity in the world and if they do not have the respect, work ethic, and drive to follow through with those opportunities it won't mean anything. I make it my full time job to give them as many opportunities as possible and open their eyes to all of the possibilities. Will everything be as easy for them? No. We don't have access to every opportunity, but we will concentrate and focus on the opportunities we do have and focus on action based goals that surround those to know they always are taking advantage of what's in front of them. The least opportunity with the best follow through and attitude is better than the best opportunity that is taken for granted. I choose love and gratitude. 

🔶Yesterday I drove four beautiful, smart, well behaved (two Christian, two non denominational) minority homeschooled children into Boston to take a class at Massachusetts Institute of Technology. A STEM class learning with their hands and building prototypes at MIT. They do not fear their future, they do feel like "minorities", or "weird homeschoolers", they feel like lucky kids who get to learn in cool places! That's it. Should I feel bad that I don't relate to fear here? From the time I was able to remember that race and gender could actually be an issue I've loved and lived by this: " I was raised to believe that excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism. And that’s how I operate my life." – Oprah Winfrey 

And that's what I want for them. No apologies. Does it mean I'm not teaching them reality? No. They will know their truth. But I choose love. 

🔶And last but not least - I am crazy, I am weak. It's part of me. Not something I particularly ENJOY sharing. But it's my story. My truth. The more I stand in it, the more I attract people who understand what I mean by that. Passionate, energetic, outside the box people are all a certain kind of crazy, we just have to harness it. That's a constant work in progress. But more importantly the more I stand in my own truth and struggles without fear of judgement the more I attract people who work on self development themselves because they know, we can all ALWAYS be better. We can all always learn. These are my people. I have no fear sharing with them. Those who react negatively are not my people and that's ok. I choose love. 

Whooooo  I feel better but my hands are shaking.

Fitmomma Fun shopping and staying on a budget!

So here we go 6 hour plane ride home and I needed something to keep me busy. I decide I wanted to write something out for mommas. Mommas like myself who want to look nice, but also want to stay within a budget. Now I loved Cache, Bebe, express, and even going to a boutique where they ask me if I'd like something to drink and can they get me another size with the best of em. In fact one of my best friends owns a boutique and may want to cringe at my fashion advice and cheap habits haha but sometimes a Momma's gotta do what a Momma's gotta do. For my lifestyle right now with my personal financial goals and four children, I don't particularly enjoy spending a lot of money on clothes that I may not wear often, BUT I do like to look nice. So although it takes more time and effort you CAN look nice and shop on a budget. I'm gong to share my finds! I got SO many compliments on my outfits, jewelry, shoes this week and people asking where I got things, so I figured I'd throw this little blog together. At first I wasn't going to do it because the Mom in me was like "IT WAS ONLY $17!!!!" when someone complimented a dress, but I kept telling myself that's tacky as hell Stephanie stop telling people how cheap you are! Haha But then I thought a step further... a lot of Moms are like me. They may want to shop, or get a few nice outfits but they don't want to take a lot of money out of their family budget to spend on themselves. For me I'm a numbers gal I like to plan. So my tradition with the kids that has worked for us is every season I spend $150 per child for new seasonal clothes. I buy the bulk of their clothes. I use sales, coupons and deals and can get a majority of their stuff. But if you've spent any time in a store or online looking at price tags you know that's NOT a lot of money at all, and it goes quickly. Then if we have an event or a special occasion or holiday we certainly purchase outfits for those and a little more for back to school but the $150 per child per season is my "budget" for the most part. So you can imagine when I started planning an event and ONE GOWN was upwards of  $150 and I needed a few outfits I really cringed at the thought of spending as much on my clothes for my trip as I spent to actually book the trip!



Below I will break down 5 outfits, including accessories, one formal gown, and a bikini and give you my total. Before you read any further lets play a game. I want you to do the math in your head and I want you to estimate how much I spent. Be realistic. Write it down and comment at the end and tell me your guess. I want to see how close you came, and if I really did as good as I think I did. Now I am including in my purchases - 5 new outfits with accessories, 2 new pair of shoes, a formal gown, AND a bikini!! What's your estimate that I spent?

Outfit #1- Romper from Charlotte Rouse - I love the way this clor brightens my skin and floral is so in right now. Romper - $26.99 Necklace - $5 (nude shoes - basics I owned).

Outfit #2 - Black and yellow
Simple black dress - $17.90 at Forever 21
Shoes I already owned but I got them off amazon for $22
Since yellow is not really a popular color for jewelry it was so easy to find clearance pieces (spent about $20 on jewelry).

Outfit #3 - Gown - This one is one of my best deal! Being off season after Prom Season I was lucky. Well I was and I wasn't. There wasnt a ton to choose from, and the sizes were scattered. I went to MANY a store at the Rockingham Mall in Salem and found NOTHING. Because my of my body type I was reluctant to order anything online. So I went to the Burlingotn Mall and found many more options. This was on clearance from Macy's off prom season rack there. $170 was the gown original price - on clearance it was marked down to $23!!!! PLUS I had a $10 off if I spent $30 coupon so I spent $13 on this dress! Because of the neckline no necklace was needed. I added a big drop earring for $8, and wore a basic black heel that I owned.

Outfit #4- Believe it or not this was the most I spent on any of the outfits. Because it was plain and simple dress so I just grabbed it to try on. It fit like a glove and I just felt AMAZING in it!!! It wasn't on sale, wasn't on clearance although I did get to use my 20% off coupon so it brought the original $41 down to $31.80 still so inexpensive. I wore black shoes I already owned and threw on a pearl necklace and pearl earrings I already owned. I didn't do much to accessorize this outfit really. It just goes to show that when a woman feels good in a dress, one she buys it without thinking, and two she doesn't need much else when it just makes her FEEL AMAZING!! That's pretty priceless. Oh and it was purposely a snug fit so I had to run out into the hall at my hotel and kindly flag down a housekeeper, who was so kind to come in and help me zip that bad boy up. There was no way I could do it alone!

Outfit #5- A white cocktail dress for Maroon 5! Seriously words cannot express how much I am infatuated with Adam Levine. Know when a girl goes to a concert she is dressing as if she may meet the singer. She knows she really isn't, and she knows even if she did she would probably spill her drink, laugh and snort or babble about her four kids, but still you have to look good!!Concert rules. Celebrity crush rules. I needed white because it was a white party. This was my most difficult to find. Mostly because a I don't ever really wear white (it's just not very forgiving for someone short with curves and has birthed four tiny humans out of her body. And 2- I'm kind of a hot mess. Wearing white is like asking for stains. I stay humble and fumble in my black. I literally sat on a seat the first day and the girl next to me said "oh be careful someone spilled coffee there" as I was sitting down and I said "oh no worries, I'm wearing black." See. Que sera sera. You can't do that in white. So I actually found this cute little white party  dress at Macy's that I really liked. I tried it on and fell in love. I thought... this is the dress Adam Levine is gonna fall in love with me in. Hahaha I kid. Kinda. But when I tried it on the back wouldn't zip up :(  It fit so perfectly every where else. Accentuated my waist perfectly, felt like it flattered my bum (and that's not easy in white) but the back was wayyyy too small. So I snapped a pic in it anyway to send my husband for his opinion. He liked it. I don't know if you've noticed but I'm a little top heavy, so often when something fits my bottom half it might not fit my top and this was the case with this dress. If it's a stretch material (which as you see is what I ended up going with- it'll work because it'll hug the right places.) So let that be a note to everyone: girls with curves don't necessarily always WANT to wear clothes that hug their curves, however usually that's the most flattering fit. If I bought the size that fits my largest part it sometimes looks like I'm wearing a tent and it ain't pretty. Well this dress material had no give. So I needed to go up two sizes to fit my top half (listen, I don't care if the reason you have to go up in sizes is because you're smuggling in all the gold in the world, it still is not a great feeling.) So I went up the two sizes and bought the dress. But what I didn't really accept or realize was that when I did that the dress no longer looked the same. It fit up top but now around my waist and bum was all this extra material. It would bunch up and look frompy. Totally changed the look of the dress, from sleek and hot to just not. When I was younger (my parents where much better planners than me)  they would buy me dresses for these conventions we use to go and even as a teen 14-16 my body was curvy so I would purchase a dress and then go to the tailor and have it tailored to fit me better so that it wasn't frumpy extra material. I could have done that here but now as a busy Mom, ain't nobody got time for that. I mean I could see doing it for a special occasion for sure but not for a party dress. So long story long I needed a new dress. I mean I kept it just in case to fall back on, but I really wasn't feeling it. So I took to online. A friend told me they had ordered  formal dresses on Amazon and I thought, why didn't I think of that? I literally order from Amazon Prime weekly. So here's what I did to find this dress. I went on Pinterest! Good ole addictive Pinterest. And I typed in the search bar "white cocktail dresses". And as I found ones I liked I clicked on the links. Forty dollars, sixty - nine dollars, fifty dollars not bad at all. The problem I was facing now though was time of shipping. I was under the gun for time and to ship faster was SO much more money I felt like it was a waste. Enter my trusty Amazon Prime to the rescue - 2 days and it's there like clockwork for no extra! So I found a dress I liked from Pinterest and I copied the description, brand etc and pasted it into Amazon search. Voila it was staring at me with that beautiful blue Amazon Prime check next to it AND it was $12. Yes for two five dollar bills, and two one dollar bills I could have this dress on my door in two days! I though what if it's crap? What if it fits weird? And then I thought its $12 and I don't like the fit of the dress I have so there's that. I clicked. Paid. And crossed my fingers! So here you have my final outfit, my $12 white party dress. Since I paid so little for the dress and it was really plain I knew I needed some good accessories and a new pair of sparkly shoes. The good thing about keeping the dress itself inexpensive is that you can complete the look and add more to it, since you saved so much money. The necklace was $5 look familiar? It's a white version of the pink one I had on with the romper. They were two for $10! Bracelet was $4.99 thank you Burlington coat factory. And sparkly shoes $20 on sale at Marshalls!

And last but certainly not least I guess that's outfit #6 - My new bikini! This is one area where I can't just walk into a store and buy any old bikini. I wish I could. But remember that whole top heavy situation. I can't put those puppies in just a $20 triangle top from target and expect to swim without some serious wardrobe malfunctions. I also can't just buy a "large top". I need cup sizes. I need wide bands. Sometimes under wire. Sometimes duct tape. Sweet lord these puppies need a miracle n the form of a breast reduction but that's a story for another day. Anyway I need the real deal for bikinis and Victoria's Secret never lets me down. And unlike these outfits or dresses that I may wear once or a handful of times at best, I LIVE in my bikinis all summer! So I don't mind spending a little more and I need something that will last. Let's put it this way I have this weird obsession with bikinis I keep them forever and like can't let them go. I buy two or three a year and this is so weird but they hold memories. Some certain bikinis for vacation that I can visualize what I did in them. And when I use to compete in fitness I did many a photo shoot in bikinis, so I literally look at them like keepsakes haha. My bikini photo shoot days are OVER but I still have a weird obsession with them. Last summer I gave my daughter one of my old bikinis and she loves it. That bikini was special to me because it was the one I wore for a photo shoot when my twins were 8 months old. See. memories... Weird I know. But again long story long I bought this new bikini at VS. I still got in on clearance because it wasn't a "vacation bikini" or a "victory I got into awesome shape bikini" it was a just because. I like the support the top gives. Love the scrunch on the booty and low rise (because I have long legs and a short torso I need that.) I liked the print and I liked the price. Top normally $39.99 on sale for $27.99 and the bottoms originally $19.99 on sale for $7.99! Yea please and done!

So 5 outfits with accessories and 2 new pair of shoes, a formal gown, AND a bikini for $226!! Ummmmmm I could have EASILY spent that on JUST the gown!

For me the most important part of an outfit is the color or print that makes me glow (the wrong color is horrible) and is it a good fit to compliment my body and make me feel comfortable? Because when you THINK you look good and you feel comfortable in an outfit you sell the outfit! It shows in your posture and how you dress it up! Accessories are key! And shoes (even though some were evil and painful for me this week). Always have a good base of a shoes (good nude, black, white) so that you can grab a new shoe when it's fun and to add some pop and spice! Listen to me talking like I know what the hell I'm taking about. I live in gym clothes. But the truth is I use to love to shop, and I do love feeling good and dressed nice! This was a nice little treat of a trip where I actually looked like an adult who has her shit together daily vs an extra on the walking dead chasing after her toddler who looked like she could be a baby gap model!

So what was your estimate on my outfits? Did I do good? 

Here comes the sun... Do Do Do Do...

I'm ok with winter, I really am. Normally. I'm not going to go so far as to say I love it or anything, but it has its fun moments. Not my favorite season, but really, I'm okay with it. Normally. I've embraced the fact that I really do love New England more than I use to want to admit. Being close to the beach, nice lake regions, the city of Boston, I really love living here! Our kids absolutely LOVEEEE the snow and its always exciting when we get our first snowfall. There's something about that first glistening white clean blanket that covers everything and knowing that you are going to put on your warm socks, snuggle under a blanket, drink hot cocoa and watch it fall. You just can't wait to get outside and play in it, sled in it,  and be a kid in it with your kids! Its almost story like. Picture Perfect.

But today as we are about to get hit with another foot and days of mess, there is NOTHING story like about it at all! Unless of course you like horror stories. Cleaning, snow blowing, shoveling, cleaning, snow blowing, shoveling. The cars need to be cleaned again, and then moved so you can clean out the driveway. But not before the plows plow in your freshly cleaned, even driveway with a nice snow wall again for the 4th time. Then you'll carry the salt, dust, and snow and track it into your car, into your house and everywhere imaginable to make a mess. Oh and don't forget the stairs, porches, and path for the pups. Yeah the first time is one thing, but when its storm after storm after storm that's a whole other. I should be so lucky and will sound incredibly spoiled but I actually don't do any of the snow removal/cleanup at my house. I would be more than willing to help, I always did as a kid, but my husband has his snow blower, his system, his headphones, most importantly his manly pride and he goes to town. I'm really okay with playing princess in this scenario. But I do feel badly for him when he comes in freezing and exhausted. I stay inside and clean the house so we are comfy and cozy and prepare a nice home cooked delicious meal, and keep the kids occupied. Dress them in the layers to keep them warm, dry the wet clothes, clean the piles of clothes. It's kind of our snow tradition (as I'm sure it is for many.) See its really not a princess' job after all (more like Cinderella - before the prince came along), but we all play our part. The snow is fun, but the snow is work too.

The first snow day completely snowed in again is kind of fun. No school, no work, a travel ban even -ooooohhhh ahhhhhhh. A great excuse to be lazy. Cook, binge watch Netflix, drink wine, play board games, cards. Fun. Picture Perfect. FOR.A.DAY. The second day comes and you again think wow what a treat. Snow is literally forcing you to relax and enjoy family time at home, nice. But that's it. No one would EVER write a story with more than two snowed in days, unless of course they wanted to call it "lets go bat shit crazy".

Now I home school my two middle boys and have an infant at home so you would think that being snowed in really wouldn't be that big a deal right? WRONG. One of the biggest misconceptions about homeschooling is that we are home all day, every day. Could not be further from the truth. Just in a typical week, we usually hit the skate park, have piano lessons, the library, archery class, and lego club just for starters and that doesn't include anything extra at all. One of the best things about homeschooling is the freedom of less time constraints and MORE time to DO more without a stressful schedule. So being snowed in killed all that for us. Then we have our own little rhythm and system, with lessons, my workouts, and training clients. All the snow and having my daughter and husband home was nice but threw that off for us too. Again One day - NICE. Two days - TREAT. But we had SO MUCH SNOW - school was cancelled - Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Monday, & Tuesday!!! We were going a little bonkers to say the least. And guess what? We woke up to snow on Thursday and ANOTHER STORM coming Monday!! So here I sit again. Planning out my shopping list so I can cook and prep the house for coziness while my poor hubby slaves away. Planning lesson plans and fun projects to keep us busy, and praying we get less than is expected and its the last snow hurrah of the season!!

I was going through some winter ideas and came across a fun book and project I did with the kids a couple years ago and thought I would share!

Great fun project! We made home made sun bread from one of our favorite books. Fresh bread baking makes the entire house smell absolutely delicious. Such a great story and baking project for a cold day in New England!

"The sun shines not on us, but in us" --John Muir

In winter, when the days are dark and cold, people make their own light and warmth inside. Syn, fun and dough are on the rise in this tasty rhyming book with shimmering imagery about a baker who helps brighten up her snowbound town.

Winter's gray chill has set in and everyone misses the sun - especially the baker. So she decides to bring some warmth to the town by making sun bread. And as the bread bakes, rising hot and delicious, everyone comes out to share in its goodness. Everyone, including the sun itself. With a lifting, rhyming text, colorful illustrations,and a recipe for baking your own sun bread, this tasty treat from the illustrator of the best selling Abuela is just right for all ages to enjoy.

NEW YEARS EVE FAMILY STYLE 2015

Well I haven't posted a blog post in quite some time. I really have no rhyme or reason. Instead of blogging about why or trying to catch up, I've just decided it's time to start again. Why? Mostly because so much has changed and a lot has stayed the same. I was reading through some of my old blogs and was smiling realizing a lot of my "daydreams" have come to fruition. That's one of the best parts about an online journal is you can go back and see where you've come from and where you've gone. One big one; I've talked and talked about was homeschooling my children, and I finally took the leap!! It's been an amazing experience worthy of it's own blog alone. I also as I so eloquently said I wished I could "popped out another bambino". Yes our family grew and we welcomed a baby girl! I've also finished off workout space at home and started a business in conjunction with training that includes nutrition with an amazing company and amazing team. And I completed my first academic goal and received my degree in Exercise Science. I can't say by any means I've hit all my goals. But it's pretty cool to have seen myself writing about things I wanted to do or become and then sitting here amidst those very things!!

At first I thought maybe I should do a New Years Blog. All about my focus and goals for 2015. Write them down, say them out loud sort of thing. But I realized I would really just be forcing that, I'm in a baby step phase right now adjusting to all life's wonderful changes. I want this blog to continue to be about family, fun, and fitness. And for us that now includes homeschooling, a new baby, and more! What I've been noticing more and more is comments on places we go with the kids or things we do with the kids and hearing "I wish you told me about that." Or "great idea." So I figure one of my goals of the blog will be to share. From one momma to another! How I streamline, save, and try to make memories for the kiddos, just like every other Mom out there.

So here goes an easy fun family NEW YEARS EVE!! 

By NYE I'm usually pretty exhausted from the holiday season. My kids want another fun filled night, and I'm thinking did we put away all the things from Christmas yet? Do we really have to stay up to midnight? And oh yeah at least we get to sleep in tomorrow. I have a 3 month old so really 'sleep in' is a weird term, definitely the wrong term, because extended periods of sleep are none existent. I suppose by sleep in I just mean 'less pressure to be somewhat presentable' in a timely manner earlier in the morning.  Typically we try to do something fun NYE for the kids. We've done sleepovers at Nana's house, sleepovers at our Aunt's, family parties, kids friends sleepover, mock fashion show, game nights, movie nights, fireworks (yes breaking the law - we live in MA). The gist is our whole family is together, and wherever we are, we park it. Not a fan of being out driving on NYE with our precious cargo.

This NYE we had our new bundle, so to be honest it was a little unclear to how it would go. We wanted it to still be fun for the kids but realized it would probably be more low key than normal. With a combo of sleep deprivation, a germ bubble, a baby strapped to me to feed every two hours and not being a fan of really being put down, all while trying to plan anything really kind of seemed unrealistic at best and daunting if I'm being honest. But since our other kids are 14, 8, and 8 it's not like I really wanted to say 'happy New Years Eve, your start of your new year with your new sister will royally stink. Aren't you glad you asked for that sibling?' So I knew I wanted to do 'fun things' with them but just low key. I took to none other than Pinterest. Now before you think oh gee here we go perfect Pinterest step ford wife moment, let me assure you it doesn't go down like that. If you're looking for realistic ways to have fun with your kids, on a budget and not overwhelming, that's where I try to fall. I've always been the craft, party, project lady. But before Pinterest I just wasted a lot more time and money trying to piece together ideas, and now Pinterest helps me be more methodical in my planning. I try to look for simple. Get my ideas together first and then search and narrow things down and make lists.  I involve the kids in EVERY project so our tasks become more of our crafts in the process. I took my teenager shopping to get everything because she really enjoys that part and my boys do not.

I'll share our night. My lists, ideas, and  our NYE with just the 6 of us!

Items to purchase:/activities:

1.) Sugar cookies, frosting, pearl sugar balls, frosting to write with. We made a sugar cookie clock. A countdown to midnight. Fun, easy baking project that's very festive! You could even turn this into a little clock/time lesson if your kids were learning to tell time. The kids have fun decorating, its fun and yummy.

2.) Dollar store plastic wine/champagne glasses, chocolate for melting, sprinkles. We melted chocolate and rimmed the glasses with sprinkles for our midnight milk and cookie toast.

3.) In the wedding section of the craft store we bought little sparkly baggies and filled them with hershey kisses. Then I had the kids print out, cut out, and tape "midnight kisses" as a fun treat on the bag.

4.) Ring Pops. Then have the kids write "ringing in 2015" and tape it onto the ring.

5.) Balloons, a dollar store tablecloth and made a Balloon Drop in our living room for Midnight. This was probably one of the most fun things as my kids love playing "volleyball" with the balloons!

6.) Big white poster board and let the kids decorate the area for a "NYE photobooth area". Set up some props - hats, necklaces, mustaches, NYE hats etc. My daughter got a new polaroid camera so she was in charge of all that. It's always fun to be silly AND secretly capture memories without making them constantly "pose".

Brodys absolute favorite prop was the mustache with a huge fake booger bubble under the nose. It actually had a piece that you blew into and the bubble got huge - thank you dollar store!

7.)For $12.99 I got a big tube of fun "fire cracker ish" fun. Fire crackers are illegal in MA so if you're not in a state that they're illegal you could do some inexpensive ones... super fun for the kids. But we're use to our rules so our kit had sparklers, pop its, confetti poppers, silly string etc. and I got some glow sticks, necklaces, and bracelets at the dollar store too. We went outside and had some fun with those goodies!

Pretty much we just involved the kids in the activities. Every little treat or decoration became a little project, something for us to do to kill time to make it to midnight. Way past bed time for us! I remember at 11:11 I yelled out all excited "It's 11:11 everyone make a wish!" (My kids love this) and my husband straight faced and exhausted said "I wish it was midnight!" haha

It wasn't fancy dresses, new lipstick, and champagne in the city - do people really celebrate NYE like that? Or only on TV? I know I wouldn't trade these times for any of that!

MOMMY GUILT - Keeping a clean house, spending quality time with your family, growing a business, and keeping up a GPA - NO ONE EVER SAID IT WOULD BE EASY - ONLY WORTH IT!!

SPRING SPRING SPRING = SPRING CLEANING!! Renewed, refreshed. A clean start and ready for sunshine!!! Let me just piss right there on that parade haha If you follow me you know I am generally a very positive person, but Spring cleaning is no longer a positive thing in my house. I feel like it use to be when my kids napped and before they could share their disdain for me throwing out old broken toys that they NEVER used. Hell hath no furry like a child catching you throwing out ANYTHING... EVER... no matter how dusty, broken, or unrecognizable it is. To my Brody especially it was his "favorite toy"... ALWAYS. Yes I really saw him cry once over a paper bag monkey puppet thing... I dont even think he made it to be honest, and he spilled something on it anyway so the monkeys mouth didn't even open, but I was the evil Mom who not only threw it away but left it on top of the trash for him to SEE!!!

Now, I am a strong woman - I know this - I have weaknesses but I can feel my strength. I make no bones about that at all. My poor husband -  is all I can say, he is a strong man to handle me and to respect and love me for all of my stubbornness. I am a nurturer and creative as well, but I can be bitchy, headstrong, stubborn, confrontational, impatient.. all characteristics that I work on DAILY but that I was born with. I am the only girl of 4 and somehow inherited the worst mouth of all, just like My grandmother Leola and my YiaYia Eugenia. My grandmother was a black single mother raising her kids and working hard, and my YiaYia was a immigrant from Greece who worked hard to learn English, buy a home, build a life, and put her kids through college. I grew up watching my mother value her education and work hard all the while cooking, cleaning, and taking care of her family. Being strong is totally a choice. But so is being weak. From my first real job at 17 someone once said to me in a business meeting (yes I was 17) "Wow there's no flies on that girl." And I was too embarrassed to say I didn't know what that meant. But I later soon found out. I was proud and I have heard it a few different times over the years in business settings. I no longer need to be as confrontational to show my "strength". My temper, ego, and mouth has mellowed with maturity and age. But I will never ever be weak. It is actually one of my fears - weak women. However I would never ever call myself a feminist. I'm  not a fan of labels because I really really really don't like to be grouped with others. And I want to live a life where my actions speak for them self not the "label" that is placed on me. I am me - if I gave you all my labels that fit me you would probably be very confused by my description :) In any case I agree with Oprahs quote: "I was raised to believe that excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism. And that's how I operate my life."

With all that being said a few weeks back I was sick with strep throat and laying in bed watching a  documentary called MAKERS: The Women Who Made America. I suggest any woman watch it!! It was a great piece.



Captivating to see the strong feminist views and the conservative views. Like always (which is why I dislike labels) - I fall somewhere right in between.
Some of the notes I took on the documentary that I saw applied to my beliefs were:

• "The thing I dislike about the "feminist movement" is a belief that all woman were slaves to their husbands and families. It was such an attack on our intellect as stay at home moms. Basically it implies that if you have a half of brain in your head you couldn't possibly be happy just changing baby's diaper."
• I also don't believe that every man oppresses women and the marriage is free labor.
• The biggest problem with the feminist movement was that it "taught woman to be victims". NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT.
• There was a woman who had her political science degree from Harvard and used politics as a hobby after she CHOSE to be a homemaker for 25 years and raise her 6 children. That is HER CHOICE, one that she was educated enough to make. 
• The idea that men and women are interchangeable and to pretend that their aren't any differences is just such a fallacy to me.
• AND my favorite quote: "Yes I have a brain and I have a uterus and they both work!"

Do we deserve to be treated equally? YES. If we want to work equally! Do we deserve the same oppotunities? Absolutely! But we must then follow through with them. Again saying we're a weaker class and dictating that we are wasting our brains if we choose to be home is just ridiculous to me. That is just as much a job and a choice as a CEO, and in fact the decision may be harder. But are we the SAME as men? NO. I know I'm not. But this blog is not really about that its just kinda ties in with our MOMMY GUILT and ever rearing woman debates. Who works harder, who is smarter, whos making a better choice for society. And this only puts us MORE against eachother in my opinion NOT supporting eachother. We dig our own graves. I never really use the term STAY AT HOME MOM or WORKING MOM for myself. Over the 13 years I have been a mother I have been a WHATEVER my family needs at the time MOM. I have tried to work and sometimes they needed me home, and I have tried to be home and sometimes we needed the extra money. FINALLY I have somewhat found my balance of running my own business, a business that I love and having the flexibility to be home. I feel fulfilled as a mother and satisfied in my career. However to be honest sometimes, well often, I feel overwhelmed. Am I working hard enough at my business? Am I spending enough time with my kids? When will I have time to clean my house? Did I cook enough home cooked meals? etc etc etc. These are the thoughts that run through EVERY MOM"S HEAD DAILY. MOMMY GUILT 101.

Well I finally hit a little melt down on my daughter 13th birthday week. It had snowed on a Friday and we drove about two hours away to stay overnight at a hotel for a dance competition. I pampered her out to dinner, movie, ready for every dance, cupcakes, cookies the whole nine. We had a great time and headed home the next night at 9pm. The following morning I woke up trained back to back clients and then drove an hour away for a business meeting and drove back home to meet my family and go out to dinner to celebrate my daughters birthday. After dinner at the restaurant we all planned to come back to our house for cake and ice cream and presents. Well not having been home for three days straight, how would I get my house "company clean"? You know what I'm talking about. There's clean, and then there's company clean. I have never ever ever ever had company over my house and not taken out my yellow gloves and scrubbed my house top to bottom. It's just something I do. I'm not a neat freak by any means but this is what I grew up with and this was customary, no questions asked. My husband being the loving and understanding man that he is could sense my angst about the house and said he would clean up and make sure everything was ready for company. And he did. And I truly appreciate it and I TRY not to sweat the small stuff. But not being able to prepare my home the way I would have liked, really hit me hard. MOMMY GUILT. Was I doing too much that I couldn't do this? Our family came over, the house was clean enough (I'm sure no one noticed) and we had a great night. No big deal but again - it really hit me hard. I know that sounds dramatic - so you didn't get to clean your house - BIG WHOOP - get over it, but at that moment I decided I needed help. I could no longer do it alone.  

The idea that woman can DO IT ALL is the biggest SCAM of allllll time!!!! Yes Elizabeth Hasselback, Yes Kelly Ripa, Yes Heidi Klum... scam scam scam haha okay I'm just naming successful celebrities who make it seem like yes I can have my child, nurse them on set during breaks, kick the dryer closed in my commercial and it is so easy! Well let me tell you it is not! And then you see the woman who are like I dont have any help I do it all alone, well high five to you but guess what I HIT MY WALL. I have more important things in my life than to worry and stress about keeping my house clean. But I NEED a clean house, so what to do? I bit the bullet and hired help! WHY DO I FEEL SO DEFEATED DOING THAT????? If I were a man and business was going so good that I could afford help, that would be a sign of success. But as a woman it feels like I am just not living up to my "wifely/motherly" duties - this is where my conservative side and MOMMY GUILT may kick in a bit.

I talked with a close friend who also happens to be my sons teacher, who I respect and she texted me after I was in the classroom that day and thanked me for helping out. And instead of just saying you're welcome, how did I instinctively respond? "You're welcome I love being there, I wish I had more time to be there more." Really? I couldnt even accept the fact that I am there, every week and that should be ENOUGH. After I sent it I even thoguht: "something is wrong with my brain." lol - true story. Her reply was: "You looked tired today, make sure you are taking some time for yourself." This is the nice way of saying you look like crap! lol But I appreciated her honesty because I was tired... no no I was exhausted!! I'm not going to even list everything that I try to squeeze in because it will sound asinine and like I am complaining and I truly feel blessed so I will just say I WAS TIRED and she had to listen to my vent/meltdown. Finally I "confessed" that I finally broke down and hired a cleaning lady and to my surprise her reply was: "That is a step in the right direction. We can't do it all! I actually just hired mine back." And that text right there somehow made me feel so much better. SUPPORT. UNDERSTANDING. I asked her if it was normal to feel defeated? And she said YES. I LOVE THE HONESTY. But you know what? I am over that after guilt. After my first deep clean of my house it took 3 woman 5 1/2 hours to do my house and that was minus two rooms!!! JEEZE I wonder why I couldn't keep up!! Now I have freed up some stress and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, not to mention the fact that its motivated me to organize and keep up better, because I dont feel so constantly overwhelmed. Getting help does not mean you're weak, sometimes you have to be strong enough to admit that you need help. That was one of the BEST DECISIONS I ever made. There are few things as satisfying to me as entering a spotless house!! Especially when I didnt have to do it!! I'm not gonna lie. This is gonna be my FAVORITE TREAT!!