Success isn't a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.

This blog is going to be short and sweet. Fully enjoying my summer and although I thought I would be blogging more as I've had many subjects that have popped into my head, I've been enjoying my "unstructured time". Not that I need structure to blog, but I've literally been doing my necessities and then enjoying free time with my family. It has been so enjoyable! I'm a fast paced person, relaxing does not always come natural to me and I've come to realize my version of relaxing is not necessarily the normal version. I don't need to be sitting still. I don't always need a cocktail to relax. I don't need a slow pace, a good book, or even to be off my feet. For me because my life pulls me in so many different directions just focusing on ONE thing at a time is relaxing to me. For instance... being in the gym and focusing on NOTHING but that is relaxing in its own way to me. Being at a children's museum with my three kids - while I definitely wouldn't describe the hub bub of three kids pulling me in different directions for different things "relaxing" per say my focus is 100% THEM and so at that moment I am "at ease" of sorts, and in MY element.

Some women are not meant to be tamed. What does that mean? To me that means, not everyone will understand why I choose to live my life the way I do - Why I choose to wake up at 5:00 am to meet my girlfriend at the gym, or why I fully enjoy planning my children's birthday parties down to the personalized picnic utensils - while this seems stressful to some, it cathartic to me. Or how I switch from mommy role to partying role at the drop of  a hat. Or how I can be so strict with my rules and values of raising my children, but so lenient and open minded in my moral compass of judging others. Or why I add things onto my plate when I don't NEED TO, but because I simply want to. I cant say it enough -  I like busy, but what I like more is as I have grown I am now finding my balance of focusing on the task at hand so rewarding and fulfilling. The "task" being working on my business/training, working on my body, personal challenges, working on my quality time with my kids/husband, working on my house, working on my education, working on my reading for pleasure even... whatever it is I see it ALL as tasks to be completed. I know that may sound robotic or almost like it takes the fun out of life, but for me it makes it more inspiring, focused, and passionate. It's what keeps me challenged.

My weekend was everything I love wrapped up in a little package I like to call "my bubble" ;)

Friday - day trip to Boston spent the entire day in Boston at the Children's Museum with my loves, exploring, playing, and lunch outside on the water - couldn't have asked for a better day! Friday evening was an adult night of fun by the water in Newburyport with some cocktails and friends. Saturday morning started early with my husband up and out for golfing and myself meeting a client to work on a marketing plan and starting a website for her, very motivating, inspiring, fun meeting! Family/Pool Day Saturday and finished off with food shopping, cleaning, laundry and getting ready for meal planning for the week. But of course what really topped it off was a glass of wine, relaxing by the fire, and then snuggling up to read a great book. Sunday morning started off with getting outside with a great friend for an early morning bike ride, a healthy snack, tea and enjoying good company, health, and sun. Another wonderful family day and an ice cream treat with the fam to finish off a wonderful Sunday. But of course my Sunday was not complete until I went through all client check ins, went through fitness emails, and updated all those new clients for next month - a solid 2 hours of working and then blogging. It feels so good to know that I had a great weekend, got in some healthy/fit time, "relaxed', got in some quality time with family, quality time with friends, checked off some work lists and can ROLL it all in!!! This has always been my goal in life. Fitness, Fun, Family, and now I've just added business and career to that mix. A whole new phase of life. Exciting, invigorating, and makes me grateful for a husband and family who is so supportive they have just let me evolve from my crazy, selfish, spastic self into exactly what I needed to be. Untamed and loving but inspired and productive!

 

Every day is a "Goddess Gathering" @@

Ok, this may come off as a rant, and its not intended as so. Well kinda, but less harsh than a rant per say. I'll try my best to keep my "tone" in check. Now this was actually sent to me particularly by another fitness mommy friend. We were just simply discussing it and then she kinda blew up when she found out these women where going to be on GOOD MORNING AMERICA and sent me a message saying YOUUUUUUU should be on good morning America with your message! You should write to them? etc. And she responded on the article. I chose to blog instead because that is what my blog is for - my personal vent, my opinions, etc. And clearly that is what everyone's own blog is for as well... so I will start by saying this is from someone's own blog, they are entitled to their own opinions as well and the message they are sending.

This is the original post: "Goddess Gatherings" http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ct-working-moms/post-baby-body_b_1620181.html?show_comment_id=163868816#comment_163868816

Now let me start by explaining my fitness friend Michelle who was rubbed wrong by this. You're probably thinking she must be a bleach blond, super tan, big boobed competitor who was offended right? Because she maybe popped out one kid and looks super model gorgeous after. haha even if this would true her argument would still be valid but it couldn't be further from the truth. In fact I would say you will probably have a hard time finding a more ALL natural, involved. fit momma than her. All natural, vegetarian, non vaccinating, homeschooling, green smoothie drinking from a mason jar, attachment parenting, furniture restoring, on demand breastfeeding, co sleeping, animal rescuing, birthed her babies at home, FIT MOMMA!! And if you followed my blog you will see these may be a little more extreme for my personal taste with my family but I say IF IT WORKS for you, and your family is HEALTHY and HAPPY more power to you. I have utmost respect for people who do their own research, educate themselves and find their OWN way, even if its not MY WAY. But I point out the type of women Michelle is because up her in New England we may call this (and Michelle I know you wont take offense to this) but "crunchy granola" and with this "type" of style the image is very much "embrace your body", love the skin your in, and being connected to your spiritual well being and loving yourself from the inside out. So how does that mantra go with the fact that Michelle has a flat stomach WITH abs, tone arms, and loves to lunge to lift her booty? Especially after having 3 babies and spending so much time focusing on her all natural upbringing of her children. If you're wondering what her stomach looks like and I know you are... here it is, and she has diastasis recti which many get tummy tucks for but she just eats clean consistently and works out intensely (who woulda thunk)...

Well because LOVING the skin you're in does not have to mean SETTLING to some fate that once you have children you are stretched and worn and doomed to look like your only job on this planet was to procreate. You can love your body, and love your family and still STRIVE to achieve a better body. That doesn't make you vain or selfish, that in itself can be empowering! I believe self esteem has to be taught for some, sometimes from experiences good and bad. But like anything else in life it takes working at it. I truly believe fitness is a good starting point because it is saying to yourself "I am worth my own time." "I am worth taking care of first." And it makes you ask yourself what do I want out of my body? If its to be strong, lean, have babies, run, athletic, whatever it is... When making a vow to be fit you are telling yourself I AM WORTH ALL OF THAT. 

I AM WORTH WHATEVER I WANT TO BE. 

It doesn't happen overnight. But the message of just saying: These are our bodies after babies. No matter what we do they have changed so lets run for the ice cream. The only people who can look great after babies are celebrities because they have the $$ to do so... is a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE MESSAGE TO SEND. 


This is sad to me, not empowering at all. The idea of the gathering itself is not a bad idea per say... women coming together and rejoicing in what their bodies can do and celebrating them, good for them, not my cup of kumbaya tea but more power to them if that's their thing. I actually made my passion of teaching women how to strive to be better in all aspects of their life starting with fitness, a career : 
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=420237494687745&set=a.228373523874144.65510.228354487209381&type=3&theater  

And for the last two years have been getting about 10 women together twice a week... and we "confidence build" through teaching them how to workout properly, eat properly, and learn their own worth! And the side effect is that they look better, feel better, and are healthier!! Maybe we should start calling them Goddess Parties! Oooops watching the tone ;) They don't need to run to wine and ice cream (well soemtimes but thats for a cheat NOT solace) and they do not need to justify their excuses by wallowing in the "woe is me I'm not a celebrity with a boat load of money so I can't do or have what I want." I wouldn't allow such wallowing at my boot camp ;)  That's more my cup of tea, but to each their own. I have clients who are teachers, nurses, stay home moms, biotechnologists, work two and three jobs, are celebrating 25th wedding anniversaries, in their 50s... REGULAR people. CHOOSING to challenge themselves to get fit!
One of my clients wrote the other day and it so touched me: "Steph, You're like my daily inspiration! I sign on to see what amazing advice you'll give today - I didn't know I was getting so much with my bootcamp enrollment! THANKS!"


The thing that really bothers us fit mommas with this message is the negative undertone of inadequacy in comparison to celebrities, that is appalling and sad. It sounds like a bunch of little girls sitting around reading magazines and WISHING they looked like the girls in them. I am sorry but we are grown adults, we know what photo shop is, we know they have lots of money at their dispense, so this is NOT NEWS. US wanting to look like them is our own insecurities, its not their problem. Sitting around WISHING they had celebrities lives, money, or bodies. When a full grown adult says "I WISH" in a serious statement it makes my skin crawl... you have the power to DO, not WISH.

Have they ever taken a step back and though that they have worked hard to get where they are? That they have made sacrifices and overcome obstacles to get to their level? Have you ever thought that will all the money in the world it still takes will power, drive, and determination to look the way that they do after children. Have you ever thought that they worked for it? Have you ever thought to build STRENGTH from that instead of pity or jealousy? Why do women especially (although its prominent among falsely over confident men as well - newsflash guys true people can see through it and it just looks sad) feel a need to knock something else in order to raise themselves up. I have always had some favorite celebrity role models, they of course have all been fit celebrities, but celebrities I think have balance as mothers in their lives. Celebrities I feel are comfortable in their own skin, natural, real. Kelly Ripa, Faith Hill, Elizabeth HasselBack and even now new Momma Pink - her recent breastfeeding pic and views on attachment parenting really hit me: http://blogs.babycenter.com/celebrities/06202012-pinks-breastfeeding-pic-is-simply-stunning/... and moved me to feel "Some women have such a subtle confidence that it moves you. Supporting what you love instead of knocking what you don't takes class and wit that only few possess ♥" So in going with that message I am trying not to knock the blog entirely. I think the INTENT was good, but I also STRONGLY believe there is a MORE EMPOWERING stronger fit message out there to be given to Moms. 

It is: YOUR BODIES BELONG TO YOU. Your choices belong to you. Your family belongs to you. AND YOU DETERMINE WHAT YOU WANT TO BE - on the outside and on the inside. Of all the rights of women I do believe being a mother is the greatest. I love and am SO thankful for my husband of almost13 years! And my children are the greatest gifts EVER given to me, I have been a mother my entire adult life, its all I know its who I am. But loving yourself independent from Mom and Wife allows you to love them more!! True confidence and knowing your worth will radiate into your love for others! I see many mothers living a life of resentment instead of gratitude, and a lot of that stems from having lost themselves in the process, having listened to messages like these that are back sided - on the one hand it says yes embrace your new life/body but on the other hand it says Moms are doomed to post baby bodies and it is what it is. Everyone is allowed to live how they choose but lets not let someone tell us it is ok to use excuses like (since I'm not a celebrity I can't look like that) to justify our choices. I've been through chubby phases too and I own those as when I needed off time, it's all a choice. But I will represent my breastfeeding, stretch marked, no budget for personal chefs, body as many other fit mommas I know and be proud of what we work for even with three kids and real lives. 

And I want to close with this... I have friends who are fit, beautiful and all. I also have friends who are not so fit, and not so beautiful. I have friends who are stay at home Moms, and I have friends who are full time working Moms. I have friends who are co sleepers and other totally against it. I'm friends with breast feeding mommas and formula mommas. I have friends who cook homemade Italian every night of week, and others who are all natural, all vegetarian. I have friends that own big beautiful houses and others that rent apartments. I do not judge people based on these choices or circumstances in their lives. I actually enjoy variety in people and learning things about them. When did motherhood/womanhood become such a great big pissing match in general? But that is an entirely different blog for a different day. I judge people based on if they are happy, positive, and really if they can make me laugh. I don't have strict criteria. Oh and if you have any connections that helps. I kid I kid.


Some references of pics and THE REAL ME :) This pic was taken by a photographer in Gloucestor Ma - At the time I had A 7 year old princess, and 11 month old twins who were delivered by c-section after a pregnancy of bed rest. 

I was not in "competition shape" as in fact that is too lean and too little body fat for most photographer's ideal bikini pic's liking. I SPECIFICALLY (get this) asked the photographer to send me a CD of images WITHOUT airbrushing because at the time I was sending out these pics for other promotional jobs and it is recommended you send out the REAL you. I wanted companies to know I am a Mom, I have stretch marks THIS is what you are working with. You can CLEARLY see my stretch marks in this pic. But the point is I FELT great! I didnt need wine to loosen me up because I truly felt great! I didn't need to run to junk food for emotional support because I willl never have perfect skin again. I agree with the message of accepting that the beautiful gift of motherhood may change your body, but I do not agree that essentially just "letting yourself go" is the motherly thing to do. Sorry I will NEVER subscribe to that. I plan to be in the best shape of my life before I try to yet again GROW my family if that happens for us, and I plan to have a fitness goal afterwards as well. 

This is me now: 5 years later, this was taken Sunday 6/24/12 just hanging out by the pool with my beautiful family. I have not stepped on stage since 2008. Running my business, back in college, raising my three beauties with my husband, taking care of our house, and continuing to grow as a person as a mother and striving to STAY FIT. If you think it must "come easy" for me think again... I need to dedicate a whole blog to my "chubby phase" but I kinda touch base on it here: http://fitmomma3.blogspot.com/2011/01/what-do-you-eat-how-do-i-eat-when-and.html


This was my mother's day blog some years ago and you will see not much has changed ;) : http://fitmomma3.blogspot.com/2010/05/happy-mothers-day.html

And for reference MY VIEWS remain through and through THIS IS ONE THING I REALLY LOVE ABOUT BLOGGING!!! Being able to look back and see my passion jumping off a page...
"My retaliation is because I am so sick as a woman of seeing the WARS between woman...Working vs Stay home, Breastfeeding vs. Bottle feeding, Co sleepers, vs Crib sleepers, Young Vs. Old. And the infamous Fat vs Thin. ENOUGH ALREADY. I have carried 3 children within my body, slept with them on my chest, nursed them, kissed tiny toes & wiped away tears. I have been puked on, peed on & spent sleepless nights cradling them. My body isn't magazine perfect (hate to break it to you magazines aren't real), but when I look in the mirror I do not see JUST A MOM, I see a beautiful women. I see strength, I see determination, I see laugh lines, I see stretch marks, I see the body of someone I can be PROUD OF. So lets stop copping out to "we are fat because we are cultured". We are a fat nation because we eat poorly, and do not exercise. We have a 34% obesity rate because we don't take care of ourselves. Embrace your curves as long as you know they are HEALTHY curves!" :http://fitmomma3.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2011-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&updated-max=2012-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&max-results=30

Still too Blessed to EVER be stressed!

WOW I have not blogged since October of 2011. Can you say SLACKER?! Wellll honestly far from slacking just prioritizing in order of necessities. With school, my business, our house, our family, and all our kids extra curriculars... blogging fell to the far wayside. I made a mental note that during the summer months I would try to pick it back up more consistenly, as this is my first summer in two years that I am not taking any classes and I couldnt be more excited about the extra free time!! I'm actually reading for fun again something I gave up for school work, and my body is on a normal schedule, it feels great! Without late night 2am homework sessions I know what it feels like to wake up rested and I have even been incorporating morning cardio again because it helps me start my day on a great note and keeps me up and slightly more focused during the summer months when I have less of a schedule and can easily become a little lazy. I have been using my BUSINESS facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Body-Definition-Define-who-You-want-to-be/228354487209381
to share information/recipes/motivation, but my blog is more personal. Here it sometimes feels like a journal and I can ramble and ramble on just because, which I sometimes need. This post is to adress and slightly make fun of my crazy life. Not much has changed even though I havnt blogged in 8 months. My goals are still going strong and I am proud to say I am contueing to work hard to acheive them, all of them. My business has been consistenly growing and has been more empowering and satisfying than I ever could have imagined it could be. I am always and will always be a MOM first, a career is something I chose to put on a back burner to let my children take center stage and follow their lead of needs. My small business has allowed me to have my cake and eat it too. I have great clients who motivate me and I them. I am staying involved and focused in the industry and yet have the freedom, flexibility, and enjoyment of working for myself. I can officially say I have turned my passion for fitness, healthy living, and a POSITIVE lifestyle, into a way to make money and practice what I preach. For me my business is not so much "what I do" as it is "who I am". I am able to share my knowledge, experiences, motivation, hardships, and find strength through sharing and touch others, to me there is no greater gift. I posted this on the business facebook page but I mean it from the bottom of my heart:

  

"You know I never really talk $$ or the business aspect of my training business much, because my passion for this and genuine love of my clients is my drive. Anyone who meets can pretty much tell $ is the last thing that motivates my choices with my clients. But this IS my business and it has grown considerably over the last two years and I sincerely want to thank each and everyone of my clients who have spread positive word of mouth and sent referrals. I don't advertise because I want positive people coming who know someone who had a good experience and results, not someone just coming for a quick fix. Without you guys I wouldn't be able to do what I do, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you!! I honestly couldn't possibly love what I do more, and YOU all are helping my business to grow!" My school focus has been strong as well! Making Deans list the entire school year, officially being accepted into the Radiology program (which is very competitive and always full), completing my clinical observation and in Fall of 2012 I am starting my clinical portion in the hospital of the program. For someone who has always had a hard time seeing things through ( mostly because I was more interested in having babies), there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I am proud to be seeing it! The fact of the matter is focusing on our future is so empowering. Starting a family at a young age my focus was always immediate, I had to focus on what I needed now to get through and that was it. As I round out my 20s and into my 30s I am finally hitting a point in my life where I am focusing on the future and not just the now. RIGHT now things are GREAT, I couldnt ask for more. I love my business, my husband, our kids, our house, our life, but I am looking at the future and just solidifying making it even beter. People ask me all the time why are you in school if your business is doing good, do you want to switch careers? And the awnser is no - I want to ADD to my options, I want to ADD to my knowledge, I want to ensure security and prosperity. Sometimes it's hard because we want to do things NOW instead of wait, we talk about vacationing more as we did, expanding our family etc but we've been blessed and I'm getting better on working on patience... I've seen our hard work pay off... I can continue to wait for MORE.

Sometimes I think I need this sticky...

 

And then the next question is HOW DO YOU DO IT ALL?! This question is my favorite and for a long time I didnt have a great awnser. And I feel like I finally do. I do it because I can! I may not always be able to so I take advantage of and seize EVERY MINUTE. I am blessed with a supportive family, they may not be here forever so I utilize that support. I am blessed with a great living arrangement - buyng our parents house and having them next door keeps me close to my family and is affordable for us and a great investment to explore extra things like school - so I figure do it now while I can. I am blessed with ENERGY - I am young, I have it now I may not have it like this forever so I USE every ounce that I can. I am blessed with drive and passion - I USE IT NOW! I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and all of this could go away just like that so I use it NOW. But let me make one thing very clear about my life... I am blessed beyond belief, BUT it is NOT PERFECT. I joke and kid about being Super Mom because its empowering when I accomplish so much. But when people tell you they can HAVE IT ALL, they lie. There are sacrifices that have to be made ALWAYS. So I will share some of my crazy life with you :) It's funny to me and makes me smile, sometimes I really feel overwhelmed and thats when I take a breather spend two days organizing and cleaning and maybe a few glasses of wine later I'm back on track. Sometimes I am 10 loads of laundry deep, sometimes my stack of mail that needs to be gone through is enough to fill at least 2 shoe boxes, I've lost books in my house, I've lost calendars/clothes, I've forgotten scheduled appointments, I brought my daughter to daunce auditions on the wrong day, one day two weeks ago I overbooked myself so badly then lost my keys and was consistently 10 minutes late to each and evry appointment that morning (this is a HUGE no no and pet peeve of mine.) I also and I have NEVER done this before sent out nutrition plans to 8 out of the 9 bootcampers and forgot one person, thank goodness she's a great understanding client. I have a to do list two pages long and constantly feel like I'm behind on it... I have my days just like evryone else. But at the end of the day I know I CAN DO THIS! This is like my Mommy chaos confessions, things that make me literally question - maybe I can't do this? Maybe I bit off more than I can chew? And that my friends is the voice of doubt - and you know what someone who is strong and confident and wants to DEFINE who they want to be does to that voice of doubt? They laugh at it! Mock it! And know you are stonger than that. You tell yourself "I will learn from this." I will set up my days accordingly for this NOT to happen again. I will plan better. I will get a new calendar. I will do WHATEVER it takes to acheive what I need to because why?
BECAUSE I CAN!

  

So during the school year... my responsibilities include but are not limited to:
1. My college work load

2.Mommy taxing - all three kids to and from school, extracurriculars, dance, sports, cheerleading, competitions, playdates, library, doctors/dentists, and make no mistake I do not just talk the talk I am a VERY hands on mother its actually what I consider I do best in life :)

3.Running my training buiness - boot camp, in home clients, online clients, emails, anwserinf iftness questions, seminars, etc.

4.I also bartend events part time but I consider this fun work for fun extra $$

5.cleaning, organizing,upkeep and decorating our house and yard

6. Actually scheduling down time and hubby time and family time... this is one thing thats very important as much as I'm on the go I make a point for this. I may run for 6 weeks straight - but then we'll go away for a nice long weekend to make up for it.

7. AND of cousre - WORKING ON MY OWN FITNESS!

 Now during the summer this year our schedules breathes a bit - no part time events bartending, no tons of extracurriculars, no college work load for me, and no school for the kiddos, so we SOAK IT UP! 

We still have a lot going on but we def ENJOY again WHILE WE CAN! Even so let me give you a Thursday/Friday rundown from this week and its a prelude to my funny pic confession of the day - sometimes my car looks like a homeless person lives in it - you will see... So Thursday up at 5:30 am - cleaned the house, switched the laundry, starting making lunch for friends coming over later - made 10 healthy wraps, 13 peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches, and a salad. Got the kids in their swimsuits and lathered up in suncreen, went outside to clean the pool and realize our robot cleaner was broken - thank goodness for my Dad, he brought it up to the pool place only to find out we needed a new one, brought the new one home. $$ -  its always something - but that is another blog. Filled up the kiddie pool, watered the garden, mowed the front lawn, watered the front garden, set up the drinks in the cooler, got the pool, floats, and deck area set up and helped my Dad set up the new robot and get that in the pool. Showered and ready for friends to come over @11:30 - great afternoon with friends by the pool till about 4:30pm. Cleaned up the pool area and deck, sprayed it down, put away the floats, covered the pool etc. In the house for dinner and a little awnsering work emails before teaching boot camp at 7:00pm taught 7-8 at 8:30 back to my house to meet a new client! hour consult till 9:30 and started new client. Washed my face, brushed my teeth and FELL INTO BED. - This is what I consider a GREAT Day!! And I was gearing up for Friday am - a client at 7:30, 8:30, and 9:30 before coming home to clean, organize, start my to do list which I am 11 items checked off deep, run some errands, pick up a dwarf hamster and get home to pick up my house again for company coming over for dinner and pool time at 6pm - again totally what I considered another GREAT DAY but just gives you an idea of the busy! Sometimes it gets overwhelming but I cant express enough I CHOOSE to do all of this - WHY? Because I can! Because I love my life like this... because at the end of the day I never feel like I've wasted anything. Yes I have relxing down chill days - I think everyone needs them and sometimes I have to force them, but for the most part I consider enjoying life by LIVING LIFE! And this is my story, I like the way I write however spastic it may be :) And this is why Friday morning when I got into my car I had to snap this pic. After meeting with my client at 7:30 who once again said "I dont know how you do it all" my reply was simply "I'm crazy" (which is partially very true) and then Friday afternoon when I looked at my to do list, tackled my guest bedroom that has been taken over by laundry a light bulb went off - I'm ready to blog about this :) In this pic in my car... 

 

*a cup that had a protein shake in it
*stuffed a banana peel in
*a chobanni yogurt spoon
*empty zone bar wrapper
*2 empty ispoure bottles
*empty water bottles
*cashews
*sunscreen
*versa grips
*deodarant
*VS lovespell lotion
*and for good measure Jay's Gee's coupons

And I will say I have 9 things checked off that to do list :) see it just GETS DONE!



 

I personally think Mermaids are sexy!! ;)

First I am going to post a popular picture and reply that is circling around right now. Many are taking it as empowering, encouraging, or a wonderful story. To me, it rubbed me the wrong way. And NOT simply because I am into fitness, but because I always find irony in a need to KNOCK something to raise something else up, PERIOD. I think this statement always rings true.



So if you haven't heard the whole Mermaid Vs. Whale Story... Here it is. It is circulating with a picture of a French Model Tara Lynn. The irony starts in the fact that she is a MODEL... but I'll come back to that...





A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.

They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

(The girl on the picture is French model Tara Lynn)



***Hmmmm I get the point of the whole mermaid vs whale story, I really do. First of all, the poster was clearly seen as derogatory and I get that. Calling women whales never really goes over well. But the irony was it struck a cord with this particular woman who claims to be so confident. If she were, why would it have bothered her so much in the first place? I myself have taken a passion and made it my LIFE to encourage woman to embrace their bodies at all sizes, but to do so while being HEALTHY! Defining who you want to be does not come from a size or a number on the scale. It comes from knowing you are healthy, fit, happy, and feel as good on the inside as you do on the outside. You can weigh 110 pounds and still hate your body.

BUT this sounds like a cop out to be unhealthy!! An easy way to KNOCK slim/fit women, implying that they are somehow less successful at all the things "whales can do" just by being thin and/or fit. Its the classic if I can't be them, then I'll just simply KNOCK them mentality. Clearly if this ad bothered a women enough to write a thought out reply something inside of her is "unsettled" by the "mermaid type". Giselle Bunchen, Heidi Klum, Faith Hill, Jane Seymour, Brook Sheilds, Brooke Burke, Kelly Ripa, Faith Hill, Victoria Beckham, would all be considered "mermaids" then huh? They have had babies, marriages, careers, success, and happiness!! Or what about all the fit Moms who compete and rock single digits of body fat? Guess what? Just because they are fit or thin or beautiful does not make them any less better at enjoying life than you! Some woman can DO IT ALL, and instead of knocking them, we should aspire to be like them. Which doesn't have to mean perfect, or thin or beautiful, but CONTENT within themselves, inside and out. TRUE CONFIDENCE SPEAKS QUIETLY FOR ITSELF.

So why does it bother me so much that I feel a need to retaliate? What is MY INSECURITY. Mine is pretty clear to see, whether people admit it to my face or not I am constantly judged for looking or acting a certain way. If a mother spends too much time on her looks, it must mean she's stuck up and not spending enough time on her children right? Not that she really feels good and knows taking care of herself first makes her a better Mother right? I have built a little business doing what I love, and making more money than any part time job I've ever worked as a Mother. But my life revolves around being healthy, so I must not have much fun right? And God forbid I do have too much fun, then I am irresponsible. Damned if you do damned if you don't.

My retaliation is because I am so sick as a woman of seeing the WARS between woman...Working vs Stay home, Breastfeeding vs. Bottle feeding, Co sleepers, vs Crib sleepers, Young Vs. Old. And the infamous Fat vs Thin. ENOUGH ALREADY. I have carried 3 children within my body, slept with them on my chest, nursed them, kissed tiny toes & wiped away tears. I have been puked on, peed on & spent sleepless nights cradling them. My body isn't magazine perfect (hate to break it to you magazines aren't real), but when I look in the mirror I do not see JUST A MOM, I see a beautiful women. I see strength, I see determination, I see laugh lines, I see stretch marks, I see the body of someone I can be PROUD OF. So lets stop copping out to "we are fat because we are cultured". We are a fat nation because we eat poorly, and do not exercise. We have a 34% obesity rate because we don't take care of ourselves. Embrace your curves as long as you know they are HEALTHY curves!

And the biggest IRONY of it all is THE picture circulating with the story is still that of a MODEL!!! A woman who is paid because she is beautiful. So despite trying to rise above being image conscious, it attached to a picture of a MODEL!!! Maybe she is considered more "plus size" or "curvy", but we are still attaching her worth to WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE!!

Sounds Like Life To Me...

It is no coincidence that the only tattoo I have on my body is very symbolic and appropriate for me. It is the word SERENITY... right down the middle of my spine - my BACK BONE. The spine represents your support system, your strength, stamina and responsibilities. It helps to keep your head high even in difficult times. It is your "backbone" suggesting that you need to stay true to your own convictions and be firm. The spine is symbolic of strength. So SERENITY (the important quality I did not posses at the time)- was forever tattooed down the middle of my spine as a reminder to me of what happens when I do not possess it.

If you have ever met me, serene is the LAST word you would ever use to describe me. I talk fast, walk fast, move fast, think fast, I even sleep fast! I have trouble slowing down. Before my 26th birthday I was forced to slow down. At the time I thought it was ridiculous. Why would I want to slow down? People say they wish they could bottle my energy, wish they could get as much done in a day as I can, why would I want to take that away? But trust me, a hyperactive brain, drive, and motion has its down falls, and I experienced it first hand. Your body and mind can only handle so much. And serenity is actually a prized possession for someone like me, and needs to be treated as such. It was, and remains a tough lesson for me to learn. In this fast paced world you would think the one who cleans their house the fasted is the best, right? The one who works the most and makes the most money wins, right? The one who can get her whole “to do list” done before noon time is an amazing super mommy, right? That's the way I THOUGHT - but it’s so far from the truth.

The serenity prayer is also something I never really thought much about until 2008. I don't even think I took the time to think it, say it, or let it sink in. In fact I use to Mock it with the saying: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off!” haha I'm telling you I was a stubborn stubborn mo fo. :)

But now I TRULY APPRECIATE THOSE WORDS: THE REAL WORDS:





In my 28 years on this planet I have been through A LOT, more than most would imagine. I am incredibly blessed, but not without my fair share of obstacles. And after a major meltdown yesterday because of some frustrating news and a conversation with my husband and father, something hit me - my aha moment. I can handle pretty much ANYTHING THROWN AT ME. I've had horrible pregnancies young, sick babies, tragedies, serious illnesses in my family, health troubles, economy troubles, financial worries, and I don't really break down for much, in fact I RARELY, RARELY, do. So yesterday when I was so frustrated I couldn't even see straight: the words flowed out of my mouth before I even had a chance to think about them, I Said: "THE ONLY TIME I AM EVER SO STRESSED I CAN"T STAND IT IS WHEN SOMETHING IS COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONTROL AND THERE"S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT." And my husband and father sat there quietly, didn't say a word for a minute and then they both thought the same thought, almost talking over each other. "That's THE ONE TIME you shouldn't be stressed, because there is really NOTHING you can do." my ahaaaaa - why is my brain so ass backwards. Don't have enough money - doesn't stress me, it means work harder or spend less. Sick babies, it means take them to the best doctors and take care of them the best you can. Serious illness - it means again same thing best doctors and fight it. Tragedies - it means stay strong, and wait for time to heal. I'm not saying I'm perfect but all these obstacles I can and have overcome fairly easily - but tell me there's something I can do NOTHING about, and that's when my strength dwindles, and frustration takes over. It is just "how I'm wired". It goes back to a virgos need for perfection and control yada yada.

But last night I realized it very strongly and now know it’s another working point in my life. Serenity may come easy to some, but I am not those "some", and I am well aware of that. "Letting things go" comes easy to some, but again, I can only dream of being that easy going. As I age and mature, it is a process of simply "defining who I want to be". Neurotic is only good for so long and in CERTAIN settings, but in everyday life and with my family - I'm trying to appreciate, and realize I simply have to work at what I want, and let go of what I simply cannot control.

With that being said lets talk about the TOLL that stressing really takes on your body. Now I am not exaggerating when I say I do not stress much, at least I really try not to let much get to me. I mean I have the normal day to day stress, but not the OMG I want to cry, or punch someone in the face stress often. I've always thought life is simply just to short to be miserable and or stressed all the time. Last night after stressing for a few hours over something I literally can do nothing about, my body hurt. I felt like I had been in a fight, I was exhausted, my head was pounding beyond belief, and I was just lethargic. How is that productive? How is that a way to live?

Now scroll through your face book statuses - is there someone who is always dramatically frustrated with life:
"why me?!"
"What else could possibly go wrong?"
"Life's not fair."
"Work sucked so bad, I have the worst migraine."
"I just want to be alone."
"I just need to win the lottery."
"I need a vacation."

Or that person that every time you talk to them their life is falling apart. I'm not saying we don't all have our days when we need to VENT because we do, and we are fully allowed to without judgment. And I’m not trying to single anyone out. But really think of those who CONSTANTLY seem like their life is one big catastrophe. Now think of their health, their lifestyle habits, and their disposition... get where I'm going with this? Or do I need to draw you a picture? Life is as hard as WE choose to make it. Sometimes it’s complicated. Some are more blessed than others. But STRESS is ONE of the absolute WORSE things you can do for your body and mind. Your attitude and perception totally CHANGE the way you react to difficult times. It is why I take care of my body from the inside/out and am so passionate about teaching others to do the same. I say the gym and a healthy lifestyle is my prozac, and it’s VERY TRUE. Without it I would be a complete and TOTAL HOT MESS - not just a slight hot mess ;). Below is a SONG that will wrap this blog up PERFECTLY - yes its country - bare with me even if you don't like country and just LISTEN TO THE LYRICS!!! VERY TRUE and needs to be said MORE OFTEN:

Sounds like Life to ME, ain't no fantasy. Just a common case of everyday reality. Man I know it's tough but you gotta suck it up. To hear you talk you’re caught up in some tragedy... It sounds like life to me!

The more goals you set - the more goals you get.

You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you have to make choices, and hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are. ~Fred Rogers

Our life's accomplishments over the past year are different phases of life all jumbled together...but I wouldn't want it any other way!! As I am approaching yet another birthday in September I always try and take time to reflect on what some of my goals where at the beginning of the year and where I'm headed. As I'm getting my schedule together for the Fall I'm really appreciating all that we have accomplished over the last year. They may seem like small accomplishments to some, but for us its been an eventful, successful year. As someone who always wants things done yesterday I need to remind myself Rome wasn't built in a day, and not having patience to see things through has been a downfall of mine. I am strong when things are challenging and fast paced but the day to day boredom of some goals - the all out grind when you just must do what you have to do, that's where real strength comes in.

Over the past year we have conquered pre - school with the twins - seems like a small feat, but if you knew my twins you'd know it was a task indeed. Successfully got through my daughters first year of dance competitions and high honor roll at school - VERY PROUD! We moved into and worked on our new house a lot this year - such a labor of LOVE. Took off with my own business - training, boot camps and seminars. And last but not least over the last year I have completed my required 28 credits on dean's list and meeting all requirements to officially apply to the rad tech program!! Looking forward to another year of ACCOMPLISHMENTS and goals!!

Of course there are some things on my "list" that haven't gotten accomplished as planned, however I am choosing to focus on what I can! That's why I love this quote and feel it applies strongly to my life "You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you have to make choices, and hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are." ~Fred Rogers. The only thing I can attribute everything I've been able to accomplish to is the amazing support of my family, and my determination to make them and my children proud!!

So for anyone reading this who has a goal big or small. Physique, diet, training, career, motherhood, marriage, education,whatever your goal is related to, my best advice is this... commit to it like you never have before, put it out there, tell everyone and everyone and ASK for support!!! Swallow your pride, if you need help TAKE IT! Because next birthday comes around you don't want to be saying I WISH! Instead you can be saying I did. Time to reassess and refocus because the next birthday, next year is a big one and I gotta make sure I'm on point for it!! See my poor brain never rests!!

This is NOT a pat myself on the back blog, as I read it back I kinda felt like it was YUCK! Instead its a reminder to myself and to us all - We want it all - ALL AT ONCE RIGHT NOW! No,no, YESTERDAY actually! Reality doesn't work like that - reality comes from consistency, planning, and perseverance. Sometimes a quick check to remind ourselves to breathe, take step backs and realize its one step at a time, DOES WONDERS. Just make sure we are still on track and keep plugging away!

What can Body Definition Boot Camp Do For YOU???

What can Body Definition Boot Camp Do For you???


Over the next few weeks I will be trying to showcase some of the success the clients have been having with BODY DEFINITION BOOT CAMP/ IN HOME TRAINING/ AND ONLINE PROGRAMS!! First up because she shared her excitement today and I wanted to share: Dianne Miller : I think her story is important because (not to toot my own horn - BUT ALL TRAINERS are NOT CREATED EQUAL) And Dianne is proof of that. Dianne went to a local gym and decided she wanted to reach a goal, so she took the steps and HIRED a trainer. In my opinion it is one of the best things you can do to commit. Put your money where your mouth is and DECIDE to stick to a plan, decide to learn, and decide to CHANGE. However buyer beware, not all "trainers" will get you RESULTS. They may have the newest excercise, great routines, you may even be SO SORE when you leave, but what are you seeking? RESULTS. THIS IS MY FOCUS with clients, everything else is find and dandy, but lets focus on YOUR GOAL. Why it is you hired me?


SO Dianne hires a trainer a YEAR LONG COMMITMENT MIND YOU, to the TUNE of $379/month. What did she receive? Workouts? sure. A Meal plan? Well, a LIST of ideal foods. Weigh-Ins and Measurements - to check progress and hold her goal accountable? Well ONE TIME OVER THE COURSE OF THE YEAR! Lets compare to what she received with Body Definition...


When we first started our boot camp sessions together, this is what Dianne had to say: "3rd week of boot camp done and i am losing inches and pounds, feel so much better than i have in years, thank you very much steph♥"


TO WHICH I REPLIED YOU ARE DOING ALL THE GREAT WORK!! I like to emphasize that there is NO MAGIC, I don't have any "secrets" its always a results of consistency, and intensity.


TO which Dianne replied "i know but to think all last year i had a trainer at the gym and got NO results and in 3 weeks i already am getting better results. it only proves that with an excellent trainer who covers every aspect including nutrition (which they didn't do ) you can do anything!!"

And now after finishing two 6 week sessions:This is what Dianne had to write today: "ran into my old trainer at the gym today. she did not recognize me at first. one whole year of working out with her and had no results to speak of. 2 six week boot camp sessions with Stephanie Villers and I am 4 lbs away from my goal and feeling great! thanks Steph your'e the best ♥"

Here's the best part of this story so you can all realize the depth of the program and how it works for EVERYONE, EVERY SIZE, EVERY AGE, who is willing to WORK FOR IT!!: Dianne is OVER 40, has some injuries that we work around, works on the road so she is out and about in her car all day (which does not make food planning easy.) Lets see did I cover all the excuses she could have used?


What did she get out of the program? Let me rephrase that, what did we work together to achieve?

**She had hands on workouts with me three days a week for one hour, small group, personalized.

**She received a FULL nutrition plan with meal ideas and monitoring every two weeks.

**She received access to me through text/email/phone to me to answer questions/concerns/issues with foods etc.

**She was weighed and measure every two weeks to make sure we were on track to where she wanted to go.

** She was given REAL FOOD - DAIRY, FRUIT, STARCHES, VEGETABLES, LEAN PROTEINS, HEALTHY FATS, food she enjoyed, food she found easy to prepare, and PLENTY of it. AND EVEN *gasp* enjoyed cheat meals of whatever she wanted occasionally off plan.

Dianne came to me drinking 15 cups of coffee a day hardly any water and maybe eating once or twice a day. She had done a no sugar no carb diet and dropped 10 pounds and then had gotten stuck. Her original goal was to "drop another 10". Ironically when reteaching someone how to properly eat and hydrate, often the body takes time to adjust. The first week on PLAN Dianne GAINED 1.4 pounds! Uh -oh I'm sure the thought crossed her mind, just another trainer who is not going to get me results I'm looking for. I talked to her and explained what we were doing to CHANGE and fix her metabolism and told her to TRUST me and STAY STRONG and consistent and she would be happy AND SHE DID!!! And HER RESULTS???? FINALLY.... DRUM ROLL....

after 2 boot camps 12 weeks total for $260 a piece (which was FAR LESS than two months - she had paid with her previous trainer)

weight loss - 18.2 pounds loss

lost 4 inches off her waist

lost 3 inches off her hips

lost 2 1/2 inches off each leg

lost 2 dress sizes!!


More importantly she has totally changed her lifestyle habits. She drinks a ton of water, really missed her fruit doing the no carb no sugar, so has been enjoying fruits and veggies, eats every few hours, drinks A LOT LESS COFFEE, has more energy, sleeps better, and feels and looks GREAT!!! Now before you say yeah sure go back and read her age, read her schedule, read her habits, read about her injuries, and REMEMBER I CAN GIVE YOU THE TOOLS, BUT YOU MUST WORK FOR IT and DETERMINE TO DO IT FOR YOURSELF LIKE DIANNE.


I asked Dianne for a before and after and her reply "I don't have many before's because I hated having my picture taken when I was heavy." ( how many people can relate to that?) However she will take one in her size 14s that are now SWIMMING ON HER and Dianne will be celebrating her wedding Anniversary next month IN VEGAS where she will be rocking a bikini PROUDLY so I expect some nice pics from that!!!!


GREAT JOB DIANNE!!!



NEXT BOOTCAMP WILL BEGIN JULY 18th Monday Wednesday and Friday Evenings: Times to be determined by group sizes but beginning after 6pm. Please email me for further details: stephanie_villers@yahoo.com as body definition website is undergoing changes. DEPOSIT REQUIRED TO HOLD SPOT. FIRST COME FIRST SERVE.


MORE CLIENT RESULTS TO COME... NEXT UP SADINNA PERRY'S STORY this one's gonna touch MANY the girl is determined!! And doing it the right way when many other options have been thrown her way!