I feel like I reference to "competing days" vs "every days" often and let me explain why... when you are eating or training with a goal to compete, that is a TOTALLY different mind set. And I don't want advice I may suggest for everyday to be construed for competing or visa versa. When competing there is a specific end in sight, a SPECIFIC GOAL, a SPECIFIC DATE. Everyone may have a different formula on how to get there, but MOST will agree it is not the same as everyday, or dieting to lose 10, 20, 30 pounds, or even off season and should not be referenced as such. While many principles and structures can be carried through from a competition prep to dieting it is simply not, in my opinion, the same mind set. Maybe some people are wound like that for no reason at all, but most are not. And if they are wound like that they usually end up COMPETING! My point I'm trying to make is competing for me was a whole different ball game, my mindset was different. I had an end in sight and that was the focus. Eating boiled chicken, broccoli, and brown rice with NOTHING on it was easy with that mind set. I remember cream of rice, flank steak, and 4 strawberries being the absolute HIGHLIGHT of my day.
I did 2 shows in 03, 1 in 04, 2 in 05 - had my boys in 06, 4 in 07, and made it 3 weeks out in 08. So I pretty much just ATE the same food for years, same goal, blinders on, it was simpler that way for me. Cooked in batches, warm it up, eat it. No thinking, just do it. GOAL IN SIGHT.
Well in 08 when I decided to take a break from competing all hell broke loose. REAL FOOD... no restrictions, no goal, no commitment, and other issues that contributed, but HELLO 20 pounds crept on (okay it was more like 30!) ok really it was a lot more than that because I had fell to 109 lbs at the beginning of 08 being sick when I dropped out of Jr. Nationals and by the beginning of 09 WELLLLLLL I weighed MORE THAN I DID WHEN I WAS PREGNANT WITH MY TWINS!!!! INSANE huh? I remember going shopping for an new outfit for my 26th birthday in Fall of 08 and literally having a melt down in OLD NAVY's dressing room because I could barely SQUEEZE into the size 6 jeans. (I know that may not sound big to some but you have to remember for me - that was the biggest size I had ever worn). If only I knew at the time if I didn't cut the crap with the food and not exercising those size 6s would become my new "skinny jeans"... Dammit typing that is so hard to swallow. But I can do so because I just order new summer pants for an upcoming vacation and they fit perfect and were my OLD SIZE!! I don't want to sound like someone wrapped up on scale number and sizes, but lets be honest going from competitively dancing as a teenager right into competing as an adult I never had to blink at the scale or my size, if anything I was one who FOUGHT to put on SIZE so really so this was a new first for me that I did not particularly like.
Yet I did nothing to change it... NOT a single, solitary THING. I didn't work out, I didn't watch what I ate, I wasn't active AT ALL. It is sad, but I can remember I stayed home took care of the family, watched desperate housewives while the boys napped, and cooked meals every night for my family. Spaghetti, stuffed shells, pork chops, whatever I wanted. To anyone who knows me: THIS DOESN'T EVEN SOUND LIKE ME!! Who took over my body? I was simply in a funk. Whether I was overtired from all the competing, working, raising infant twins and a 6 year old and simply catching up, or depressed who knows. Depressed never seemed to be a word in my vocabulary I thought it simply meant your mind wasn't strong enough to make you happy, but looking back I ate those words. Fortunately for me or unfortunately depends on who you ask, it was a funk I happened to be very comfortable in. I was happy with my family life, they brought me plenty of my joy so I pushed away the fact that I was not happy with myself. I just floated, I convinced myself I didn't care.
To make a long story short (okay who are we kidding, this is me - I have no short stories) we went on a family trip to SC to visit my older brother. A trip that was so relaxing, fun and needed! I joked about my weight, how my joints hurt cause I was heavier and not active, how I would get out of breath easily. I joked because I convinced myself it was funny that I finally didn't care. Here I was in SC with a brother who was at the NY pro bodybuilding show meeting Pro bodybuilders when I was in middle school. In SC where I had told myself I would someday soon take a trip to visit family and compete in the Jr USA's at some point. And I REALLY REALLY thought I just didn't care anymore... UNTIL... we got home and I LOOKED AT THE PICTURES and VIDEO we took!!! THIS DID NOT LOOK LIKE ME!!! Who the hell was this person? I was horrified! I was back in the gym and back on track directly following that glance at myself after that trip. Not to compete, but to "find myself again". Sounds corny I know, but this women buried under a layer of fat, with no energy, no spunk, THAT WAS NOT ME!
Again wrapping it up (man I can type - talk) I took 09 to struggle a bit to get back. But I did get back. Not back on stage yet, but I lost 30 pounds by fall of 09 got back into the fitness scene, back on the boards, going to shows, worked a booth at the New Englands, handed out trophies and even though I haven't competed again I felt my fire come back. Study and took the test to get re certified in personal training and started that business back up again in 2010 - no one wants to hire an out of shape personal trainer let's face it! I so desperately needed it! My energy came back, my drive, my ambition, my goals, it all slowly came back. It triggered many new changes in my life that I am thankful for. I would have liked it FASTER, AS WE ALL DO... but the important thing is it's here to stay! I guess it's important for me to share that because I don't think people see that EVERYONE has their own struggles. Sometimes we feel like we are the ONLY ONES. Why is it so easy for everyone else? And I'm here to say, it's NOT! It's something you have to want. It's something you have to work for. It's something ONLY YOU CAN DO! And I don't mean just losing weight or gaining muscle, I mean defining WHO YOU WANT TO BE. Not as a mother, not as a wife, not as an employee, not as a daughter, a sister, a son, a husband, not as anything, but YOURSELF. WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE? What TYPE OF INDIVIDUAL DO YOU WANT TO BE? Anyone who knows me knows I love my family with every fiber in my being. LOVE THEM SO MUCH IT HURTS. But I still needed to find MYSELF first in order to do that. There are things ONLY WE CAN DO FOR OURSELVES and learning that the hard way may be the only way - at least for someone hard headed like myself :)
What the hell was the point of my BLOG?!?! HOLY CRAP - I guess I needed to get that out... felt good to vent it. BUT OH YEAH BACK TO MY POINT : Competition eating vs "everyday eating" now you understand my difference of the two. Competition, I am like a robot sometimes in my opinion it is the best way to be. HOWEVER, when there is no set date, no set goal, when you want to be able to say I want to be fit, healthy, and yes SEXY (ooops I threw in a bit of vanity, as it IS A FACTOR - whether or not we want to admit it) when you want this as a lifestyle, the robot thing gets old. The boiled chicken, broccoli, and brown rice PLAIN thing get old. How can you make it a lifestyle vs a however many week prep, or an off season? ENTER my lovely husband... he has always been my add spices to food, add seasoning to food guy. He's always said why make your food miserable, and I'd say its diet food you just eat it to look a certain way, not to enjoy it. Well guess what you can do both - to a point. It doesn't have to be bland bland bland. It doesn't have to be all boring, all chicken, all asparagus, all fish, all the time. That's just SILLY. So while I'm not a huge "healthy recipe person" I am a figure out your macro nutrient needs and find food items you like to change it up to FIT INTO your needs person. And my husband Ernie actually enjoys cooking healthy foods so he is such a HELP in that department. Yeah he food shops too! I KNOW I'M VERY LUCKY!! So I will try to bring you some healthy eats we love often, as lately I've been recording macros more personally. We do often still cook in small batches usually at least 3 meals worth because it is easier to do so and just makes sense.
So tonight it was YUMMY HEALTHY "CHICKEN FAJITAS". Simple. Easy. Quick. Fits My Macros and calorie count, and so yummy!
Chicken Breast cut up sauteed in a pan with 2 tbs olive oil and a packet of fajita seasoning. Add peppers, onions, (he adds mushrooms I pick them out so the macros are done without them) served with 1/2 cup wild rice and HALF 100 cal pack of WHOLLY GUACAMOLE
One of those little things I HIGHLY recommend. Hubs found them for me because as much as I LOVE GUAC I felt like I was over eating calories with it. These little packs control that better and keep it in check. It's all natural, its good HEALTHY fats for you, and its TOTALLY safely portioned controlled. HIGHER fat foods like nuts and guacamole in my opinion are important to get in portioned control packs if you have a tendency to over snack, because too much of a good thing especially higher calorie foods can be bad.
This is my portion for dinner. FILLS THE PLATE! And the calorie count and macro break down is below this is with 4 oz chicken measured cooked, 10 slices onions, 10 green pepper rings, 1/2 cup wild rice, 1/2 100 calorie wholly guacamole packet, and added in a few buffer calories for olive oil and seasoning although it doesn't fully coat all the chicken as a lot is left in the pan.
344 calories, 29 grams of protein, 37 g carbs, 8 grams of fat. Now what do I eat and why? This was post workout so I keep the rice in even though it was late. Had I not lifted tonight, with it being a later meal I may have opted for right around the same break down but swapping out my starchy carbs (rice) for more fibrous ones (more vegetables).
TOMORROW OR WEDNESDAYS MEAL - ONE OF MY FAVORITE LUNCHES - Tuna w/ tzatziki on a wrap! SO GOOD AND AGAIN SO EASY!!
Good NIGHT! AM CARDIO COMES QUICKLY!!
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