The tragedies that took place in CT on Friday are something that will never be forgotten. Etched in our minds and hearts, the images of these children being paraded out of the school, covering their eyes, and crying. Knowing bodies lay dead in that school, and watching parents rush to find out if any of those bodies belonged to them. I can not imagine there is EVER a worst day in a parents life than that. I've kinda sat numb. I am not a news junkie, never have been (because there is NEVER good news reported) so I have only watched minimal coverage on the events. I find online networking outlets nauseating after an incident like this. What is meant (I'd hope to believe) to be support, often comes across as morbid unity. I have sat quietly and truly tried to celebrate my children's life and love in honor of those lost. We had a cousin sleepover. Buddy our holiday elf surprised them with marshmallows for our hot cocoa, we watched Christmas movies, played family board games, and laughed. Never once did I not think about those poor victims, but I show my love and appreciation for SUCH INNOCENCE - SO PURE. But then after feeling numb for a while you do really start thinking, what can WE do? Can we go to sleep like normal, send our children to school on Monday and pretend this event is just a scary incident we see on the news that took place far far away and will never happen in our lifetime? Do we go back to our busy lives and just continue to hope that "something" though we are not sure of what exactly will change. Just sit and hope WE will never be affected by this personally? What can I DO? What can I DO? It rings in your head. We are as a whole responsible for our society, what can I DO?
As I've witness the pointless gun law debates I think... is that the answer? As you can assume from my use of the word pointless, I don't feel that is the highest of priority. I've watched people massively spread a quote that most likely is not even Morgan Freeman's to begin with, and although it may have a good premise - to not feed into the sensationalism of the media, that too is NOT the root of the problem. I've watched videos of the victims parents (absolutely HEART wrenching - yet in some way so amazingly strong to hear Emilie Parker's father say he was "blessed to be her Father"). I've seen people get the school colors wrong. I've heard people talk about homeschooling, as if that will keep our children safe, because massive shootings don't take place anywhere else but school. I've seen people "sending prayers" which without turning this into a religion based blog I just cant quite comprehend. Prayers to an almighty creator who created the monster who did this, who allowed such evil, what exactly do you say in the prayers? "You really messed this one up!!" I'm sorry I just cant wrap my head around it ever being a part of an almighty creator's plan. I know I don't have faith and that is something I will openly admit, and I know that will offend MANY, but its simply how I honestly feel. It's not that I have a complete disrespect for those who do, I just do not UNDERSTAND it.
It still all just feels like a bad dream and I'm trying to figure out HOW to even explain this tragedy to my little babies without completely terrifying them. We decided we would enjoy the weekend with them and then discuss the issue on Sunday before returning to school. Well its Sunday at 4pm and no such discussion has been had yet. *SIGH* While laying in bed this morning with our children, my oldest was online looking up articles on the events because as she said: "she wants to make sure that if it is discussed with her peers, she can immediately know the facts and squish any rumors or untruths being spread" - she is very much like her Momma, and I respect her maturity in this. It's also in the same breathe heart breaking to see my 12 year old trying to grasp this. I asked my husband if now (this lovely Sunday morning) was the time to explain it to the younger ones? We are running out of days. He responded with no, not yet it's too nice of a morning, lets wait. Is there ever a good time? And then I think deeper. If we feel so much anguish just EXPLAINING the events to our children, IMAGINE the complete devastation and sorrow for the families directly involved, it is MORE than heart breaking, there are no words.
But above all this... I think HOW can I protect them anymore than I already do without locking them into a bubble? What can I DO?!?! What can WE do?!?! Seems to be the common thought... and all I can come up with is MY responsibility as a parent, as a person DIRECTLY raising the next generation. Loving them, molding them, guiding them, and teaching them their responsibility as humans. How they should feel, how they should think, how they should love, how they should play THIS IS MY DIRECT RESPONSIBILITY. I know the retort can be nature vs nurture, each child is different, with their own DNA, unique dispositions, and personalities, but WE TEACH THEM everything they know. We have that control. We decide who or what we allow into their lives. THIS IS THE ONLY THING I HAVE DIRECT CONTROL OVER. This is our responsibility as parents... are we as a society taking that as seriously as we should?????
Having a child is lovely, sweet, and beautiful. From the first ultrasound to the first big birthday party bash, just magical. They laugh, giggle, learn new things, every trip to the photographer we grab another memory that is portrayed beautifully and wrapped in a bow. We send them to a good school, keep them clean and fed, and if we're lucky they graduate from high school, go on to college and get a job. CHECK CHECK CHECK, our parenting job is done? Could not be further from the FULL truth of parenting. This only the highlight reel of parenting. Children are not puppies. They face moral dilemmas, stresses of life. We have to teach them trust, manners, respect, individuality, creativity, kindness, logic, hard work, there is SO MUCH INVOLVED in parenting, Are we as a society REALLY carrying our full responsibility as parents? Are we all taking it that seriously? This blog is not meant to say that I am the perfect parent who does all of this, but just my own reflection of the BIG PICTURE. WE raise the next society, we raise the scholars and we raise the murderers. What can I do?? I can't guarantee that my child will never be in harms way. But can I do everything in my power to make sure that I am responsible for making sure he/she is never the one BEHIND the trigger causing harm? Absolutely. That's what I CAN DO, that's what WE as parents can do.
I found some facts that I found worth sharing to look at THE BIG PICTURE and also an article from a Mom that is SO RAW and really addresses the issue from the front lines. I think that's what we need to look at. As gruesome and devastating as this event on Friday was I think its important to realize that overall in 2009, America's crime rate was roughly the same as in 1968, with the homicide rate being at its lowest level since 1964. Overall, the national crime rate was 3466 crimes per 100,000 residents, down from 3680 crimes per 100,000 residents forty years earlier in 1969 (-9.4%).
So our crime rate has not gone up, in fact it's gone down. But extreme tragedies like this do have a common denominator... What has changed?!
All of these facts I am about to share were written in July of this year from this link: http://www.cchrint.org/2012/07/20/the-aurora-colorado-tragedy-another-senseless-shooting-another-psychotropic-drug/
JULY of this year, so this is not NEW information.
Fact: Despite 22 international drug regulatory warnings on psychiatric drugs citing effects of mania, hostility, violence and even homicidal ideation, and dozens of high profile shootings/killings tied to psychiatric drug use, there has yet to be a federal investigation on the link between psychiatric drugs and acts of senseless violence.
Fact: At least fourteen recent school shootings were committed by those taking or withdrawing from psychiatric drugs resulting in 109 wounded and 58 killed (in other school shootings, information about their drug use was never made public—neither confirming or refuting if they were under the influence of prescribed drugs.)
Fact: Between 2004 and 2011, there have been over 11,000 reports to the U.S. FDA’s MedWatch system of psychiatric drug side effects related to violence. These include 300 cases of homicide, nearly 3,000 cases of mania and over 7,000 cases of aggression. Note: By the FDA’s own admission, only 1-10% of side effects are ever reported to the FDA, so the actual number of side effects occurring are most certainly higher.
Mental illness is not something we want to ever openly talk about. I've found even myself avoiding sharing my opinions (and I have strong ones) simply because mental health and depression is so common in our society we may all know someone who is affected or medicated. Nor is it an excuse or a way to sympathize with a murderer, but instead an eye opener to PREVENT these situations from occurring. Every instance following a massacre like this we hear the family often say they could see that something bad could have happened, yet no one was moved enough to act or take precautions. Out of EVERYTHING I have read and seen on the issues and this tragedy, this article written by a mother who can see right before her very eyes how theses situations occur, was most telling. She is honest, she is scared and she is admitting she NEEDS help. She cannot even protect her own children or herself, how do we then expect that she is protecting our society from her son. How many more mothers are dealing with this and cannot get help or are afraid to acknowledge it or admit it?
http://gawker.com/5968818/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother?fb_action_ids=4627214990883&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map={%224627214990883%22%3A398996703509226}&action_type_map={%224627214990883%22%3A%22og.likes%22}&action_ref_map=[]&post=55295171:
***"No one wants to send a 13-year-old genius who loves Harry Potter and his snuggle animal collection to jail. But our society, with its stigma on mental illness and its broken healthcare system, does not provide us with other options. Then another tortured soul shoots up a fast food restaurant. A mall. A kindergarten classroom. And we wring our hands and say, "Something must be done."
I agree that something must be done. It's time for a meaningful, nation-wide conversation about mental health. That's the only way our nation can ever truly heal."***
