Wednesday, March 27, 2013

MOMMY GUILT - Keeping a clean house, spending quality time with your family, growing a business, and keeping up a GPA - NO ONE EVER SAID IT WOULD BE EASY - ONLY WORTH IT!!

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SPRING SPRING SPRING = SPRING CLEANING!! Renewed, refreshed. A clean start and ready for sunshine!!! Let me just piss right there on that parade haha If you follow me you know I am generally a very positive person, but Spring cleaning is no longer a positive thing in my house. I feel like it use to be when my kids napped and before they could share their disdain for me throwing out old broken toys that they NEVER used. Hell hath no furry like a child catching you throwing out ANYTHING... EVER... no matter how dusty, broken, or unrecognizable it is. To my Brody especially it was his "favorite toy"... ALWAYS. Yes I really saw him cry once over a paper bag monkey puppet thing... I dont even think he made it to be honest, and he spilled something on it anyway so the monkeys mouth didn't even open, but I was the evil Mom who not only threw it away but left it on top of the trash for him to SEE!!!

Now, I am a strong woman - I know this - I have weaknesses but I can feel my strength. I make no bones about that at all. My poor husband -  is all I can say, he is a strong man to handle me and to respect and love me for all of my stubbornness. I am a nurturer and creative as well, but I can be bitchy, headstrong, stubborn, confrontational, impatient.. all characteristics that I work on DAILY but that I was born with. I am the only girl of 4 and somehow inherited the worst mouth of all, just like My grandmother Leola and my YiaYia Eugenia. My grandmother was a black single mother raising her kids and working hard, and my YiaYia was a immigrant from Greece who worked hard to learn English, buy a home, build a life, and put her kids through college. I grew up watching my mother value her education and work hard all the while cooking, cleaning, and taking care of her family. Being strong is totally a choice. But so is being weak. From my first real job at 17 someone once said to me in a business meeting (yes I was 17) "Wow there's no flies on that girl." And I was too embarrassed to say I didn't know what that meant. But I later soon found out. I was proud and I have heard it a few different times over the years in business settings. I no longer need to be as confrontational to show my "strength". My temper, ego, and mouth has mellowed with maturity and age. But I will never ever be weak. It is actually one of my fears - weak women. However I would never ever call myself a feminist. I'm  not a fan of labels because I really really really don't like to be grouped with others. And I want to live a life where my actions speak for them self not the "label" that is placed on me. I am me - if I gave you all my labels that fit me you would probably be very confused by my description :) In any case I agree with Oprahs quote: "I was raised to believe that excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism. And that's how I operate my life."

With all that being said a few weeks back I was sick with strep throat and laying in bed watching a  documentary called MAKERS: The Women Who Made America. I suggest any woman watch it!! It was a great piece.



Captivating to see the strong feminist views and the conservative views. Like always (which is why I dislike labels) - I fall somewhere right in between.
Some of the notes I took on the documentary that I saw applied to my beliefs were:
  • "The thing I dislike about the "feminist movement" is a belief that all woman were slaves to their husbands and families. It was such an attack on our intellect as stay at home moms. Basically it implies that if you have a half of brain in your head you couldn't possibly be happy just changing baby's diaper."
  • I also don't believe that every man oppresses women and the marriage is free labor.
  • The biggest problem with the feminist movement was that it "taught woman to be victims". NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT.
  • There was a woman who had her political science degree from Harvard and used politics as a hobby after she CHOSE to be a homemaker for 25 years and raise her 6 children. That is HER CHOICE, one that she was educated enough to make. 
  • The idea that men and women are interchangeable and to pretend that their aren't any differences is just such a fallacy to me.
  • AND my favorite quote: "Yes I have a brain and I have a uterus and they both work!"
Do we deserve to be treated equally? YES. If we want to work equally! Do we deserve the same oppotunities? Absolutely! But we must then follow through with them. Again saying we're a weaker class and dictating that we are wasting our brains if we choose to be home is just ridiculous to me. That is just as much a job and a choice as a CEO, and in fact the decision may be harder. But are we the SAME as men? NO. I know I'm not. But this blog is not really about that its just kinda ties in with our MOMMY GUILT and ever rearing woman debates. Who works harder, who is smarter, whos making a better choice for society. And this only puts us MORE against eachother in my opinion NOT supporting eachother. We dig our own graves. I never really use the term STAY AT HOME MOM or WORKING MOM for myself. Over the 13 years I have been a mother I have been a WHATEVER my family needs at the time MOM. I have tried to work and sometimes they needed me home, and I have tried to be home and sometimes we needed the extra money. FINALLY I have somewhat found my balance of running my own business, a business that I love and having the flexibility to be home. I feel fulfilled as a mother and satisfied in my career. However to be honest sometimes, well often, I feel overwhelmed. Am I working hard enough at my business? Am I spending enough time with my kids? When will I have time to clean my house? Did I cook enough home cooked meals? etc etc etc. These are the thoughts that run through EVERY MOM"S HEAD DAILY. MOMMY GUILT 101.

Well I finally hit a little melt down on my daughter 13th birthday week. It had snowed on a Friday and we drove about two hours away to stay overnight at a hotel for a dance competition. I pampered her out to dinner, movie, ready for every dance, cupcakes, cookies the whole nine. We had a great time and headed home the next night at 9pm. The following morning I woke up trained back to back clients and then drove an hour away for a business meeting and drove back home to meet my family and go out to dinner to celebrate my daughters birthday. After dinner at the restaurant we all planned to come back to our house for cake and ice cream and presents. Well not having been home for three days straight, how would I get my house "company clean"? You know what I'm talking about. There's clean, and then there's company clean. I have never ever ever ever had company over my house and not taken out my yellow gloves and scrubbed my house top to bottom. It's just something I do. I'm not a neat freak by any means but this is what I grew up with and this was customary, no questions asked. My husband being the loving and understanding man that he is could sense my angst about the house and said he would clean up and make sure everything was ready for company. And he did. And I truly appreciate it and I TRY not to sweat the small stuff. But not being able to prepare my home the way I would have liked, really hit me hard. MOMMY GUILT. Was I doing too much that I couldn't do this? Our family came over, the house was clean enough (I'm sure no one noticed) and we had a great night. No big deal but again - it really hit me hard. I know that sounds dramatic - so you didn't get to clean your house - BIG WHOOP - get over it, but at that moment I decided I needed help. I could no longer do it alone.  

The idea that woman can DO IT ALL is the biggest SCAM of allllll time!!!! Yes Elizabeth Hasselback, Yes Kelly Ripa, Yes Heidi Klum... scam scam scam haha okay I'm just naming successful celebrities who make it seem like yes I can have my child, nurse them on set during breaks, kick the dryer closed in my commercial and it is so easy! Well let me tell you it is not! And then you see the woman who are like I dont have any help I do it all alone, well high five to you but guess what I HIT MY WALL. I have more important things in my life than to worry and stress about keeping my house clean. But I NEED a clean house, so what to do? I bit the bullet and hired help! WHY DO I FEEL SO DEFEATED DOING THAT????? If I were a man and business was going so good that I could afford help, that would be a sign of success. But as a woman it feels like I am just not living up to my "wifely/motherly" duties - this is where my conservative side and MOMMY GUILT may kick in a bit.

I talked with a close friend who also happens to be my sons teacher, who I respect and she texted me after I was in the classroom that day and thanked me for helping out. And instead of just saying you're welcome, how did I instinctively respond? "You're welcome I love being there, I wish I had more time to be there more." Really? I couldnt even accept the fact that I am there, every week and that should be ENOUGH. After I sent it I even thoguht: "something is wrong with my brain." lol - true story. Her reply was: "You looked tired today, make sure you are taking some time for yourself." This is the nice way of saying you look like crap! lol But I appreciated her honesty because I was tired... no no I was exhausted!! I'm not going to even list everything that I try to squeeze in because it will sound asinine and like I am complaining and I truly feel blessed so I will just say I WAS TIRED and she had to listen to my vent/meltdown. Finally I "confessed" that I finally broke down and hired a cleaning lady and to my surprise her reply was: "That is a step in the right direction. We can't do it all! I actually just hired mine back." And that text right there somehow made me feel so much better. SUPPORT. UNDERSTANDING. I asked her if it was normal to feel defeated? And she said YES. I LOVE THE HONESTY. But you know what? I am over that after guilt. After my first deep clean of my house it took 3 woman 5 1/2 hours to do my house and that was minus two rooms!!! JEEZE I wonder why I couldn't keep up!! Now I have freed up some stress and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, not to mention the fact that its motivated me to organize and keep up better, because I dont feel so constantly overwhelmed. Getting help does not mean you're weak, sometimes you have to be strong enough to admit that you need help. That was one of the BEST DECISIONS I ever made. There are few things as satisfying to me as entering a spotless house!! Especially when I didnt have to do it!! I'm not gonna lie. This is gonna be my FAVORITE TREAT!!

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MOTHERHOOD - IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE

I did not write this I saw it posted: I just need to share and save this because I have never read anything that captured my feelings quite like this, and I had to share. SO BEAUTIFUL!! And so very very true! ENJOY!

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For all Mothers
(including soon to be Mothers)
MOTHERHOOD

We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.

I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her.

That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mum!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.

I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her
baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming
children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.

However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself.

That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.

My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks.

I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child.

I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike.

I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time.

I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

Please share this with a Mum that you know or all of your girlfriends who may someday be Mums. May you always have in your arms the one who is in your heart.

By Dale Hanson Bourke
'Chicken soup for the woman's soul'!

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

SNOW DAYS = HAPPY KIDS :))

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Thankful for a snow day today!! I know I may not be the norm but I love having my kids home! I lay here while my children asleep in my bed (yes at 6 they slept in my bed - never thought I would be "that Mom" but man did I have a lot to learn about parenting). They are not stressed about having to wake up and rush out of the house and not stressed about which book or homework assignment they need to bring back to school today. I am on spring break from my school as well so I am really enjoying a lot of time home with them, that I normally would be in class or studying. Due to the snow our public school district also moved the date of the MCAS testing which was suppose to be scheduled for today. I can now take my daughter B to a much needed orthodontist appointment (they book so far out and she is starting her process of getting braces) as long as the roads aren't too bad.

It's no secret as I'm pretty open about my opinions, I despise standardized testing and feel we in MA are missing the boat completely on how to educate our children. As a parent who is in the classroom often and interacting with many knowledgeable passionate experienced teachers, many are feeling the same way. They are appalled at how certain curriculum and rules are being enforced, and feel their hands are tied because of test scores being the only real tangible evidence of success as a school or teacher. Because I am in my children's classroom on a regular basis, I happen to be in the classroom on some Math test days. Math in the FIRST GRADE, and it doesn't even make logical sense to why we are teaching them some of the nonsense the way that we are. Lets put it this way my father takes them on Tuesday afternoons when I have class and he a college educated nurse for over 40 years jokes: "I hope they don't have Math homework today, that stuff doesn't make any sense!"

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Let me just tell you it smells HORRID in that class room on test days. Finally when I couldn't take the smell anymore I asked (again I have a tendency to say whats on my mind if you haven't picked up on that already). Why does it smell like someone popped their pants in here? And I was told that this was a normal occurrence on test days. That the kids... Let me rephrase this - the babies I'm sorry they're 6 years old with no teeth and learning how to tie their shoes and wipe their behinds properly - they are babies- they get such anxiety from "testing" days that a lot of them get gastrointestinal issues or essentially bad gas. Their bellies hurt from the anxiety from the tests and let me tell you, walk through a classroom on a test day and you can cut the anxiety with a knife, but wear a gas mask. This is so sad to me. They're 6!!!! What are we doing wrong? How is this setting them up to be successful? I realize education is the foundation of our society but NOT LIKE THIS. And yet we're not succeeding in education as a nation despite all of these "added standards".

The United States may be a superpower but in education we lag behind. In a recent comparison of academic performance in 57 countries, students in Finland came out on top overall. Finnish 15-year-olds did the best in science and came in second in math. Other top-performing countries were: Hong Kong, Canada, Taiwan, Estonia, Japan and Korea.

How did the U.S. do?

Students in the United States performed near the middle of the pack. On average 16 other industrialized countries scored above the United States in science, and 23 scored above us in math. The reading scores for the United States had to be tossed due to a printing error.
Experts noted that the United States' scores remained about the same in math between 2003 and 2006, the two most recent years the test — the Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA) — was given. Meanwhile, many other nations, Estonia and Poland being two, improved their scores and moved past the U.S. Researchers also made note of the fact that while the United States has one of the biggest gaps between high- and low-performing students in an industrialized nation, Finland has one of the smallest. Students in Finland perform remarkably well, regardless of the school they attend.

What makes Finland so hot?

Finland's stellar performance has drawn the attention of education and government officials around the world. These experts have uncovered many attributes of the Finnish educational system that are distinctive and contribute to the success of Finnish students. Some of these features are:
  • The Finnish school system uses the same curriculum for all students (which may be one reason why Finnish scores varied so little from school to school).
  • Students have light homework loads.
  • Finnish schools do not have classes for gifted students.
  • Finland uses very little standardized testing.
  • Children do not start school until age 7.
  • Finland has a comprehensive preschool program that emphasizes "self-reflection" and socializing, not academics.
  • Grades are not given until high school, and even then, class rankings are not compiled.
  • Teachers must have master's degrees.
  • Becoming a teacher in Finland is highly competitive. Just 10% of Finnish college graduates are accepted into the teacher training program; as a result, teaching is a high-status profession. (Teacher salaries are similar to teacher salaries in the U.S., however.)
  • Students are separated into academic and vocational tracks during the last three years of high school. About 50% go into each track.
  • Diagnostic testing of students is used early and frequently. If a student is in need of extra help, intensive intervention is provided.
  • Groups of teachers visit each others' classes to observe their colleagues at work. Teachers also get one afternoon per week for professional development.
  • School funding is higher for the middle school years, the years when children are most in danger of dropping out.
  • College is free in Finland.
Says Professor Jouni Välijärvi of the Institute for Educational Research at the University of Jyväskylä, and Project Manager of PISA for Finland, "In light of the PISA data, Finnish schools manage to activate learning among the whole age cohort more effectively than any other country. Students are not sorted into different groups or schools but different types of learners are learning together. In this kind of setting high achieving students seem to serve as positive models for their less advanced classmates. The pedagogy differs from that applied in systems characterized by tracking and streaming. Efforts are made to provide instruction to cater to the needs of different learners in terms of their skills and interests."
Preschool education — a relatively new addition to the Finnish toolkit — has been part of their educational system for the past 10 years. According to Välijärvi, "Preschools are nonacademic in the sense that no clear academic targets are set. Socialization into school culture and learning to work together with children is the central role. Preschool is not compulsory in Finland, but 96-97% of the children go to it."

Taken from: http://www.greatschools.org/students/academic-skills/1075-u-s-students-compare.gs

One thing I will PRAISE about public schools is their reading program. IT IS A FINLAND BASED Reading program, and it is simply outstanding! This year because one of our twins (who has a harder time with confidence and socialization) was testing slightly lower in reading than the other. Now when I test him at home and practice he was fine, but when put on the spot or tested in school he would miss about 30% of the correct answers or just shut down and say: "I don't know". Now let me preface this with both of my twins are at or above standard and are doing fine however this is what an involved parent does when they pick up on little issues that they feel can be addressed. So after meeting with the teacher and discussing the confidence issue we decided to help with the transition of splitting the twins we would put one into the special reading program. A half hour a day he would be taken without the other twin (which is great progress for them) and work one on one with a reading teacher. And let me tell you the outcome was ASTOUNDING.  Not being put on the spot and not being overwhelmed with distractions (this child is also a jokester) has worked WONDERS for him! In TWO WEEKS his reading completley transformed. He already "knew how to read". But I don't think he fully enjoyed it. His cadence, emotion, and deflection in his voice totally changed within a week or two - did I mention its a FINLAND BASED PROGRAM? Just saying! And now I have to kick him out of the room when his brother reads because he's constantly CORRECTING HIM. Its insane to watch. I am amazed by this program, I want to just run up and hug his reading teacher. I had been working with him all year and specifically over February vacation - just doing my mom thing. We would read a book and then draw a picture and write a sentence about the book. I love my kids dearly but I am not a teacher, they need programs and curriculum, they need people like their teacher and their reading teacher who know all the little tricks of the trades to figure out how to get them to LOVE learning. But are these programs really emphasized in public schools? No. They are only offered when a child falls below a level or struggles with something. Little secret, its almost BETTER in public to have a child fall below because then they are given these extra times and tools. If they are middle of the pack or even ahead they are just another test score on the MCAS that makes the schools rating better. Sad but totally true reality.

For me personally one of the most important aspects of starting my children in preschool young was for socialization and  learning authority and respect for other adults. In private preschool I feel they really focused on this and worked with my boys so much, we went through a tough transition and their teachers were there every single step of the way to help guide and direct us on how to progress. The thing in a public school experience the social interaction and learning environment is different now, VERY different, especially since we were kids. One of the things I noticed when in my boys classroom was they didn't participate much unless prompted to. They're somewhat shy and lack social confidence in large settings. This is something I think 6 hours of school daily should try and develop and focus on. You could have the best education in the world and if your looking at your feet while you're talking well to me that's not really worth much. However, there's not really much ROOM for developing this is the classroom anymore, and quite frankly (and this was an insider tip) - its not part of the curriculum so its not a priority. I am not kidding you when I say ALL THEY CARE ABOUT ARE TESTS SCORES. And when I say all "they" care about is test scores, I am not saying teachers, because I happen to really love and appreciate and value some of my children's teachers, but they HAVE to follow guidelines laid out before them by the state. Their job is actually at stake if they do not. I watched an amazing middle school team of teachers be completely demolished (teachers who used Beatle songs in ELA to depict meanings in poems) (teachers who inspired children like I've never seen) and I watched the restructuring come in and split up the team. And I can vouch from another mother (who happens to be a teacher as well) that says ONE PARTICULAR teacher who was cut had such a strong influence on her son - IT WAS THE ONLY YEAR HER SON EVER READ FOR PLEASURE!! THE ONLY YEAR!! And this teacher was cut?!?! On a technicality?

And respect - well my children walked into school with manners and respect. All I ever got for feed back in kindergarten was how well behaved and sweet they are. Well that's great. I will teach them manners and values and respect - YOU teach them to love learning. But unfortunately some teachers are stuck trying to teach other children manners, respect and behavior because they are sent to school with NONE and this is distracting and takes time away from actual class work. I don't expect teachers to teach them that - I feel that is MY JOB as a parent. However I do feel some of their peers can teach them some very DISRESPECTFUL behaviors and that's not to say that "my child is better than others" but lack of parental involvement is a HUGE problem in public schools. I don't think you will meet an educator who will disagree and this influences the behaviors our children are surrounded with on a daily basis. 

If you cannot tell I am very very passionate about my children's education. Always have been always will be! So what are our choices? Public (which although less than my personal standards - does offer special programs for children with needs) PRIVATE schools are not properly equipped to handle that. However private is in a position to CHOOSE who they accept into their school so therefore the standard of behavoir by both students and by parents is set higher and can be more enforced than in public. But this can also be a disadvantage. Every child is different, our daughter went to private up until 3rd grade and I felt at the time it was the best controlled environment, structure, and discipline that she needed to be challenged and succeed. It set a great foundation for her and she in now a thriving happy straight A student who needs very little assistance to do that. However that is HER, and fit her learning style and needs. I feel if I sent my boys to such rigid structure they would be miserable, in fact I think Brody would flat out shut down or have so much anxiety from not getting something right it would be counterproductive ti his learning. Bryce might thrive because he is so laid back and lackadaisical in school, he just needs to be pushed that he would probably do well with more structure. The downside of private if you're not religious is religion is usually a large part of curriculum, although we were not practicing Catholics we sent my daughter to catholic school and explained to her that it was just another class not a way of life, but this can become confusing to children. And the other thing with private is ITS EXPENSIVE. Even if you can afford it which we could, a financial planner will tell you if you are not in a category to be able to put multiple children through private AND actively save for their college education at the same time you may be throwing away college money on a standard education. Unless you can really afford to do both you may be better off to save more for the future and extracurriculars. But what if their standard schooling is not setting them up to be succesful in college or in the real world? Man!!! Who said this parenting thing was easy?

But Brody - Brody's my "special one" and I don't like to say that because it sounds like I'm choosing favorites and I'm not at all. In fact if anything my husband hates when I say that because it sounds like he's special needs, and I've always been on him for testing of certain things. Let me just say this child has totally rocked my world on my thoughts of schooling and learning for children. Every child really is very different and having identical twins it has helped me to see this even more. As a parent we focus on milestones no matter what. I don't care how laid back you are -  you are or should be aware of what milestones your child should be hitting around what age. Because our twins were preemies we had Early intervention involved at a young age and my living room was filled with occupational therapists, speech therapists, the whole nine! I wanted to make sure these precious babies where not behind at all! Especially after following in the footsteps of their 10 month old running, 12 month old weened and off the pacifier, 18 month old potty trained, 3 year old gymnast sister. Man was I in for a rude awakening!! These boys were fine. They were healthy, they were hitting appropriate milestones but man they were quirky haha and pacifiers and bottles and diapers and not sleeping through the night all lasted far too long, but guess what? They are FINE.

Bryce walked at a year and Brody was happy on my hip for another month until he decided to join his brother in the walking world. Bryce potty trained and Brody needed special attention months later with getting there with number 2. And if you read child psych books it is very common with children with obsessive OCD type,  attitudes to HOLD their poop in, which is exactly what he did, and and how he behaves. Its almost comical to watch him color he must wipe away and blow away shavings constantly. Now I'm not trying to "diagnose my child" with anything in fact since I pretty much refuse medicine on a regular basis there would be no need for diagnosis but I do try to UNDERSTAND. They were far behind their sister on pretty much everything, who I later learned was far ahead in milestones and NOT THE NORM. And I cannot thank my pediatrician enough for listening to my rants and concerns and taking them all seriously but assuring me THEY"RE FINE, THEY'RE FINE, watch by this time they'll be doing it and sure enough they would. She reassured me: "when they graduate high school, no one is going to know or care or be able to tell who walked first, who potty trained first, or who peed the bed far too long." It just doesn't matter. Being a Mom to these twins totally changed my parenting and I am forever grateful for their gift of life and enlightenment.

I remember the first time I was introduced to the Montessori schooling system. We were sitting in a gymnastics facility in North Andover - doing our Mommy chat, and one of the Moms said her son Max was really struggling at public school, he was tired and grumpy all the time, he was anxious, and fought to go to school, she then said when they switched him to Montessori she felt like she had her child back. He was happy and smiling. They let him work at his own pace, they let him choose his activities, he really liked and looked up to the older kis and all I could think as a young Mom with this superstar daughter was: "What a lazy kid!" He's just looking for the easiest route out of school. Was I ever wrong and man will those thoughts come back to bite me!! My Brody is this Max. He is a brilliant child, his mind actually fascinates us. Ever since he was a baby we have called him "the engineer" he's been able to sit and build and sit in quiet and focus on something as long as he wants to, while my other two are complete hyper spazes like their Momma! But he's also so silly and sociable in the right setting. I remember in preschool him working with the teacher one on one and she literally said I have to turn my head sometimes because he makes me laugh so hard. But the trouble with Brody is if you push him or put him on the spot in front of a lot of people he shuts down. It's like you are dealing with two different children. I have video upon video of him singing his heart out (and pretty good might I add) and dancing like he's on MTV but yet he cried  for 5 months straight in music class this year to the point that we had him tested for sensory issues. NOPE no issues that's just Brody. He can sit and build these amazing lego contraptions but cant sit still enough to finish a WII game with his brother sometimes - that's just Brody. He also takes great pride in his work, his is always neat and completed top to bottom when his brother who doesn't struggle at all but is just lazy sometimes and Bryce's work comes out a hot mess and he could care less. Yet Brody takes this neatness to a whole other level and sometimes erases and starts over if its not perfect. He recites songs and impressions from movies perfectly. He's just an amazing child with such a great mind and spirit but in the wrong environment, he just shuts it all down and gets stressed from lack of confidence that he's not doing something right. He really gets sad about leaving the house some days, and is a horrible horrible grump in the morning, all normal things but very unlike my other two so its more noticeable. Teachers and health professionals are convinced that he will out grow this lack of confidence with support and maturity. And I know they are right but in the mean time, I am on top of it. Its made me question public schooling as I have never questioned it before. It's made me think of other options such as private and even homeschooling.

In my first year back in college I wrote a debate paper for PRO homeschooling it was a great paper with backed up research and I'm trying to contact the professor to see if I can find it archived. My laptop crashed in 2010 so I didn't have it saved and as passionate as I am about it I'm not writing it again lol but if I can find the paper I will share it. It debunked many misconceptions about homeschooling and actual pointed to many facts about benefits. You have to remember that I am the type of person who thinks if you don't like something CHANGE IT.

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When I was in high school I was an old soul who was way to far ahead of my years and looking to grow up too fast. I though the high school drama was silly and I was also not academically challenged. I hated going to school and thought it was a big joke. I thought it was a waste of my time and though I CAN TEACH MYSELF THIS STUFF, start college and work now and be done with this silly high school. Again my attitude was not the best I just wanted to be an adult! Well again growing up too fast is not a good thing, however I did just that. I quit school, started homeschooling myself, started working full time, and starting taking college classes all at age 16. Unfortunately I also got pregnant shortly after (since I thought I was so grown and in love) well we all know how that story ended, and it was a happy ending because I refuse to settle for anything less than I think I deserve and the same will go for my children. I will not settle for less than I think they deserve, so I see myself coming back to if you don't like something CHANGE IT! I did take time off to be home with my kids but have since gone on to complete college and start my own business and 90% of my college schooling was done online taught by myself and all of my business built on my own (I guess my independence and stubborn attitude never really went away).

Since I am working closely with their teacher this year and am confident in her abilities, I am confident that they are getting all of the attention and educating that they need so for now we take it year by year. But like I said this experience with my twins has opened my mind up to so many more opportunities and ideas as a parent that I never thought I would seek or believe. And let me leave you all will this these are actual milestones for 6 year old children... children in first grade: are we nurturing and developing our curriculum to fit these milestones?

In the early school years, you won't see dramatic changes in motor skills because this is a period of refinement, when coordination improves and fine motor skills are sharpened. But you will notice remarkable changes in social and thinking skills. Your child is now building on the base of skills developed during early childhood and moving toward greater independence, both intellectually and emotionally.
Here are some of the milestones you can expect of a 6-year-old:

Motor Development

  • may still be somewhat uncoordinated and gawky
  • able to learn to ride a bicycle
  • can move in time with music or a beat

Language & Thinking Development

  • moving toward abstract thinking
  • develops reasoning skills
  • shifts from learning through observation and experience to learning via language and logic
  • wants it all; has difficulty making choices

Social & Emotional Development

  • grows more independent, yet feels less secure
  • craves affection from parents and teachers
  • friendships are unstable; can be unkind to peers
  • needs to win and may change rules to suit herself
  • may be hurt by criticism, blame, or punishment
  • can be rigid, demanding, and unable to adapt
  • increasingly aware that others have may have different feelings

Tips for Parenting a 6-Year-Old

At 6, your child is curious, active, and becoming engrossed in school and new friendships.
  • Provide consistent structure at home to help your child adapt to the disciplined world of school.
  • Give lots of opportunity for physical activity to help develop skills.
  • Make a point of attending your child's school and sports events. It's important for her to show off her accomplishments.
  • Be patient with her selfishness; it will pass.
  • Be generous with praise

    And to me one of the most important points - Imagination

    The imagination of a 6-year-old is amazing!! They are at school for 6 hours a day are they using their imaginations AT ALL??

    Taken from: http://www.greatschools.org/special-education/health/727-developmental-milestones-your-6-year-old-child.gs

    And I will say this as parents we need to judge less and support more because we are ALL raising the next generation. And if you love your children and care about making them happy contributing members of society than you have my support. I don't care if you are in public school, private school, home school, practice attachment parenting, cry it out, work, stay home, bottle, breast, cloth, regular... those are all personal choices for YOUR FAMILY. I am not a crazy Mom, okay maybe I am but these are just thoughts that I take very seriously. So if you are a parent who loves your child and wants whats best for them than I support you! Often Mom blogs come off as "condescending" or know it all ish and this is so far from that. I wish SOMEONE WOULD GIVE ME THE DAMN ANSWERS ALREADY!!! :) 

    In any case tomorrow is THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING!! Lets hope it melts all this snow!!

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Tuesday, March 12, 2013

CONTEST PREP IN TRIMESTERS :)

I am neither pregnant nor prepping right now but I wrote this back in 2007 while I was prepping and shared many could totally relate! Since I have so many friends either PREGGO or prepping or fitness girlies pregnant I knew you girls would like it!! XOXO

Contest prep for many comes in three trimesters KINDA like pregnancy (lol - of course my comparison is mommy related)


FIRST TRIMESTER - For contest Prep
or for most the first 4 weeks of a 12 week phase
*You are so excited and pumped at first... its time to prep for a show...peel off the fat, get into shape, crunch and organize your time, you feel like such a warrior!
*Then that wears off and you realize you F-ing hate waking up for AM cardio, all you do is cook, eat, and go to the gym and you start to realize (because you are checking your body out daily) wow again I got FAT in my off season LOL. You start thinking what the hell did I get myself into? There is no way I'm gonna be able to pull this off...you lose a lil confidence and mojo.

FOR pregnancy
(the first three months)
*You're so excited! You're gonna have a baby! Be a parent, make a life!
*Then the newness wears off, throwing up everyday is no fun, you are TIRED as HELL and surprise surprise no one knows your pregnant yet, they just think you are getting FAT and lazy lol . You start thinking what the hell did I get myself into there is no way I'm gonna be able to pull this off...you lose a little confidence and mojo.


Second Trimester
(or the second phase of the diet the next 4 weeks 8 weeks out to four weeks out)
*You get a sense of ENERGY and excitement back! You made it through the first month, you are finally in the groove and FEELING like you are KILLING your execution of plan. Your body is changing A LOT! You can see abs, veins, and people are starting to ask if you're prepping for a show! You can wear all your nice lean clothes again because your body is starting to be banging LOL and you get your confidence BACK! Cravings are gone... pffft you wouldn't cheat if someone paid ya cause you are in it to win it! This is also when you start to plan out your comps for the rest of the year, you are on a high, and you feel like you could PREP FOREVER!


For pregnancy
months 3-6
*MORNING SICKNESS IS OVER YEAH!!!! Best feeling in the world! You're not nearly as tired anymore... and your cute lil bump is starting to show as baby, not fat. You can wear cute maternity clothes... People start asking you how far along you are... AND the most exciting you can find out the sex of the baby!! You can then pick out names, maybe start registering for your shower... this is also when you say you want five kids...HELL you feel like you could be PREGNANT FOREVER, you just love it!

And then the last Trimester!
DUH DUH DUH...THIS IS THE ONE THAT WILL MAKE OR BREAK YOU!
For prepping it is the last 4 weeks
*You will push your body to a limit that it can only take for so long... you will be tired burnt out, and MOODY for no reason at all. You are hungry annoyed and FORGET why the HELL you do this to YOURSELF!! You can't sleep, you can't work, you can't even communicate properly...All you think about is the show.

*People start telling you you look sick, too little, emaciated. If you have to answer what's wrong one more time at the gym, work, or from a family member,or friend : YOU WILL get out the biggest megaphone you can find and shout "I am burning more calories than I am taking IN, I am sick of this food, this has been MY LIFE for the last three months and now I just want it to be over with DAMMIT! I want to get up on that stage, I want to be recognized for my HARD WORK and dedication, I want to win my class and MOST of all I WANT A FREAKING LARGE CHEESE PIZZA AND A MARTINI! And if you ask me one more time why I put myself through this for a damn trophy, I may beat you with my LOG BOOK and lifting straps!"

*Your mind starts playing tricks on you... did I gain fat, do I look worse, am I flat, did those two cheez its mess up my plan? Should I have done more cardio, did I do too much cardio? The list goes on and on. And you may at this time tell yourself THIS is the last show for you, you are done competing its just to MUCH.

*Oh yeah and all you do is PEE

For pregnancy
the last 3 months

*OK you're done. It's not cute anymore, you are a walking HOUSE. Your belly HURTS and itches constantly. You can't sleep get comfortable or EVEN SEE your feet for that matter.

* If one more person asks you how you feel or when you're due you're gonna scream!

*You just want this baby OUT DAMMIT!

*Then fears and anxiety kicks in... you went to birthing class - which made you realize HOW MUCH PAIN this is actually going to be and you feel overwhelmed, this is not physically possible. You read the parenting books... what the hell are you getting into? You can't afford college, what if your baby has collic, what if your baby has an illness, what if its a boy when they told you it was a girl... what if, what if, what if!
And at this time you may decide I AM NEVER having any more kids!!!!

*Oh yeah and all you do is PEE

But from someone who has been through both HORRIBLE PREPS and HORRIBLE PREGNANCIES. The HIGHS and LOWS, the ups and downs, the good and evil of both COMPETING, AND HAVING CHILDREN... at the end of the day it is the GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT you will ever achieve...it is the greatest feeling!!! Your passion for striving to better yourself through competing, can easily be compared to the unconditional love for your children. And as HORRIBLE as the roller coaster ride can be... YOU WOULD DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN ... in a minute!! It is who we are!



Saturday, March 2, 2013

THE FORUM ONLINE BODYBUILDER - Old piece I wrote back in 2008... best thing about documentations is knowing and seeing my feelings have not changed!

I wrote this piece called "The forum online bodybuilder" back in 2008 when I was strong into the fitness industry and very vocal and active on various message boards, I was 25 years old and was just starting to come into my own in terms of quality people vs. people I do not respect. I quickly realized that although I gained friendships and knowledge from these online interactions, I also was hit with an onslaught of negative side effects from people that I had very little respect for, so therefore it was deemed a waste of my time. I wrote this after I voiced my opinion about NPC shows not always being natural and a local promoter lost his crap on me about it. Well apparently I hit a nerve, something we all knew to be true, but whatever I guess some people can't handle the truth. We all know often history repeats itslef. And I need to be reminded of my feelings then, and my feelings now. I share online, I interact online, I will not alter my networking or my habits for anyone, I simply must filter out and keep it moving positively.

Here is the original article I wrote, it is directed to the "online bodybuilder" but can really apply as I've seen to anyone with a tough guy online persona, as you all are hit with various annoying encounters during your interactions remember this.

Stephanie Villers - 2008 - The forum Bodybuilder

He has lifted more than you, won more competitions than you, and hung out with Ronnie Coleman himself. His lists of credentials, experience and superiority would make Flex Wheeler jealous... yet he has no picture up and hides his true identity. When you ask about carb cycling he is the first to tell you carbs make you fat. When you ask about Natural competitions he is the first to tell you all those guys are on juice. He will pick each and everyone of you apart head to toe because he is all knowing. Do not dare question him because behind his keyboard he has THE POWER.

You may have walked by him many times in REAL life but would never know because without his keyboard, his eyes never leave the floor as he stares at his feet when he walks, confidence too low to make eye contact. His voice is never heard as he doesn't dare utter a word if it is not typed. To interact on a true level he cannot, therefore he takes it out on you through the power of the internet. And if you did overhear him speak... his tone of false arrogance, ignorance,and stupidity quickly made you tune him out.

For those of you who do not play the message board drama game or the drama game at all, its amazing what you can gain from a little comradery and motivation on the boards. These are the people who use their REAL NAMES on the boards and do not care about attempting to "fit in"...You say what you feel, share your knowledge, experiences, make friendships, add to your circle in the industry and learn and thrive off of the positive, these are who the boards are for!

If you ask me if I like your shirt and I don't, I will say it. Does that make me a bad person? Should I lie, smile, say yes then turn around and say "what the hell was she thinking?" If you are pro life and I pro choice does that mean we can't be friends? It takes a special person to be able to be open and honest, I respect and cherish that in others, but some do not appreciate it for what it is I guess. Call it opinionated, call it big mouthed, call it courage, call it whatever the hell you want BUT one thing you cannot call it is fake or a liar and I love that!

Opinionated is not abrasive unless you choose to see it that way... if I state an opinion, do I disrespect you? Do I force it on you? No, I simply state it, because its on my mind. Just by hearing it, will your blood boil? Will I corrupt you? You don't need to call me strong, you don't need to call me dominant. I don't need special attention , and you don't even have to address the issue at hand. I'm not "non conforming" to fit into that crowd that wants to be bad ass or conforming to fit into the "cool" one either... I choose to create a mix of the both and my "crowd" will be "the genuine one". Show me respect and I do you... disrespect me and may the fire ball that flows from my mouth not burn your heart.

Just imagine all the encounters and experiences you will miss if every time someone says something you don't like you turn them off, shut them out... its okay keep doing it... more fun for us! I don't care if hate is from jealousy from your own insecurities, or drama is for your own enjoyment or spice in your life...some of us don't take it as a compliment, don't thrive on it, and don't need it! I don't need to feel like I intimidated you to make myself rise above. Self proclaimed superiority comes from narcissistic people who need to compensate for their feelings of inferiority... true people choose to be right at your level regardless of "status".

Last time I checked we never asked for anyone's approval, we never said you had to agree,or even pay attention for that matter. Negativity is the way of the world and I find it funny that those that thrive on it or claim they have no idea why it surrounds them, are the first to bring it to you. I have enough common sense to filter my mouth to a degree, but more passion that drives those words right out of my heart and through my mouth or into my writing. Should I apologize for the 100th time for offending people? Should I crawl under a rock...or should I say it's YOUR DAMN PROBLEM... NOT MINE?

Hate all you want... but you can't break the person who thinks nothing of you...and I think NOTHING of someone who chooses to wear their own insecurities on their sleeves, and use them against everyone through their keyboard.

I think NOTHING of anyone who thinks they will EVER force me to see things their way, or anyone who EVER thinks that outspoken, opinionated people (especially young women) are *******s. Do I know everything? Hell NO! Nor do I claim to BUT I will tell you what I think, because that's who I am. But trust that I can dish it and I can take it.

Those of you who love the honest open TRUE PEOPLE...THANK YOU and the love is mutual...and those of you who do not...why are you still reading this far?

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Don't you worry your pretty little mind... People throw rocks at things that shine! :)



This post had it coming... I TRY to stay on the positive side 90% of the time, but sometimes negativity creeps in just like anyone else. I am human. For those of you reading this who may not know me well you should know that I have a MOUTH. My yiayia called me "the lawyer" from the time I was of preschool age. I have always liked a good intelligent debate, and I have NO PROBLEM voicing my opinion about things that I am very passionate about. Now some of you are reading this and going well that's just a sugar coated way of saying you're a bitch. So not true, well okay KINDA not TRUE. I saw a quote yesterday that I thought perfectly explains this: "Don't get confused between my personality and my attitude. My PERSONALITY is who I am, my attitude depends on WHO YOU ARE." And this is very true for me. 

If you look under my "brief description" when I started this blog it says: "I am extremely passionate when I love something I love it with ever fiber in my body unfortunately I try not to hate so equally as I use to have the tendency." I have had to teach myself to let things go. That I don't need to win every battle, prove every point, convince everyone of my ideals. I am not here to "take over the world", life's just not that serious. And I wasn't a serious person by any means, but my instinct when I saw something I disagreed with was to be instantly confrontational... that's a little harsh. I have worked to learn to grow up and not be like that. Every one is entitled to different opinions and I handle my tongue so much better than I use to. I guess being in your 30s you live and learn. I also have never focused on "people are jealous" people are "haters", I always felt like you have to think very highly of yourself to think that you are at a level to have "haters", but guess what I also learned, people do mock you through their own insecurities. We all do it at some point if we're not aware. People do spew negativity when the they don't understand something, fear something, or are incapable of doing it themselves. Mocking it makes them feel better about their own actions. It's leveling the playing field for them. Example - Bob is poor, he hates his job, and cant pay his rent... Derek is rich - Bob say's Derick is only rich because he inherited some money from his parents - when the truth is - yes he did inherit SOME money, but he also worked his butt off to invest, advance, and make that money grow and became successful because of that hard work, while Bob just sat there sulking, hoping his boss didn't notice he was playing Angry Birds. Since Bob feels inferior to Derek, he then feels the need to level the playing field and KNOCK down Derek's achievements and take away his credit so he can feel better about himself. We all know this classic case! Now me- I'm a sponge. I see you took money and invested and worked hard and became wildly successful... well I may follow you around like a puppy hoping that good fortune rubs off on me and ASK for as much advice to learn to do the same!!! - Ummmm case in point WHY Cathy Savage is my mentor! Just saying... besides the fact that she's hilarious! But back to my point. I guess I never really took too much time to acknowledge scenarios like this because they are wasteful and I have better things to do with my time. However, something occurred over the last few days that struck a cord like it has NEVER struck a cord BEFORE and I want to share it. Mostly to share my STRONG opinions about it, but also to show that PEOPLE DO THROW ROCKS AT THINGS THAT SHINE. And A lot of my clients are getting their own shine!! So watch out!! 




There are two things that I hold sacred to me in my life and NO ONE CAN touch them - what I do in my business (its my baby) - it has been built on nothing but pure hard work, passion for health and fitness, determination, great clients, and honestly a little luck! And my family!! You touch those two things and I am bound to go crazy old Stephanie on you, however even in this situation I remained very calm considering. I was proud of my maturity :) 

People have told me I have arms like a man's and then later they're private messaging me for a diet plan. People have told me they don't like some of the decisions I've made and then again later they're asking me about my programs. People told me after I had Bianca that THEY TOO looked like that after one child - but just to wait until I had more. People have told my husband: "I'm too flashy". I have heard stories about "things" that I'm on that I would never take in a million years and don't even show signs of taking. I use to really let this stuff bother me but honestly I have grown so much that it doesn't even phase me anymore... but that's not the point. When you knock my business or what I love or start attacking my clients personally that's when you have CROSSED THE LINE. And I want to share this so that clients now who are getting into shape, and being termed "gym rats" or "shallow" or "superficial" or "anorexic" you HOLD your head high and think: People throw rocks at things that SHINE! And some of you are shining! That shine can hit others and warm them and encourage them or it can hit negative people and make them jealous. Don't let that dull your shine!! 

So to the STORY: I'm going to share the responses word for word simply because I don't want to "create something" that didn't take place and even though to some of you who have never heard me use a sharp tongue you may think woah where did this Stephanie come from? But I think its important to share because its nothing but PURE PASSION.




So I had just recently posted a new client testimonial I was proud of. I get it - on facebook things could be coincidence, we can read into things, and there's no room for tone, and generally I don't even entertain nonsense but the #getaclue hashtag at the end coming from such a clueless post was what caught me.




So its no secret I like and LIVE fitness, some may think its too much or overkill and my feeling is no one is asking you to stay in my network if you don't want to see about my life which HEAVILY will always involve fitness then delete my page - but I digress. So two minutes after I posted a wonderful positive up building testimonial that I was proud of I see...




THIS: "So sick of the damn gym rats posting how cool they r because they work out NEWS FLASH only shallow ass people care bout that ish think about how many years you all have been doing it n still are not satisfied #getaclue"

And my REPLY: "Wellllll since the #1 cause of death in our country is heart disease and 49% of diseases are lifestyle choices related and 1/3 of our country is obese... I'd say being shallow has no relevance. I get where you're coming from but as a trainer I'd say you are wayyyyy off base. Maybe more of our country should start being "shallow" as you say."

And this was the reply that sent me into batshit crazy mode:
"U make a living off people's bad self a steam n I bet you more body builders die of that than any one else I have never met a old healthy gym rat they r all falling apart"
Staying healthy is easy as working hard in the yard lmao

To which my reply was:
Professional bodybuilding and being healthy in the gym are apples and oranges... And if you think yard work is enough to keep you healthy, than good luck!! I like facts vs thought. Don't you smoke? Not trying to be mean but that's pretty much been proven I don't need to debate that. And I make a living off of helping people achieve their goals through structure and self control fitness just happens to tie in nicely with looking good AND feeling good.
And speaking of working in the yard we have a large home made garden box in our yard made from scratch of all fresh veggies and herbs it was a great workout too!

Here's where it took a weird turn His reply:
God brings me good healt not a freakin weight bar good luck with keeping up with the jones tho n ur garden ;) 

***When did my financial situation and keeping up with the Jones come into play? Because I can pay my mortgage from a business that's growing? Or because I have a garden box? 

And my reply (in full smart ass mode at this point because I was dealing with the same) ;)
Oh no I'm all set with keeping up with the Jones, they are mostly obese, didn't you read that statistic. ;)

His reply I guess to kind of wave the white flag was:
N Steph u win ur in a deferent category ne ways

While I do accept the apology - because we share family and it got a little out of hand - this is not a sincere apology, this is like saying : all woman are dumb, oh except for you hunny.

And my reply:
It's not a fight,I know what you mean its just people sometimes have to overcome these stereotypes to even start exercising so I guess that's why it bugged me a little but no worries... There's def a category of people you described... I just hate to lump anyone who loves the gym into them. 

Then it took another weird turn: lets just say someone else came in to defend him  I can understand that and said:
and then they pass judgement on on those that do follow the "Fitness LIFESTYLE". 33% of the population have adiction issues, which includes fitness buffs, is that healthy? Oh and lets not forget later lifetime issues from over fitness lifestyles. Such as ligament issues, and muscle seperation. You don't hear about those. Moderation is the key, but how many people moderate anything. Relationships.. fitness buffs have the second highest failure rate at relationships second only to drug addicts.

***Again I was offended because PASS judgement, me???? I work with people from 22 to 68 women from 115 lbs to over 300 pounds. If I passed judgement I wouldn't HAVE MY BUSINESS! 

So my REPLY:
Oh yes I can see it now RISING HEALTHCARE COSTS...From Fitness Buffs!!! They're taking the world down one rep at a time!!
And who puts out that statistic on relationship failure for fitness buffs? The CDC?

HIS REPLY: im in the field, and it was published in the Medical journal about 6 months ago under phyciatric influences 
The study was done at John Hopkins in Baltimore MD.

 He never did state HOW he was in the field but my reply was: In the field then you know for fact that fitness is not even on the charts of "health problems" lets get real. Hypokinetic diseases now those are real and they are preventable and taking over our country. Every heard life over limb? I'll take a hernia, torn tendon any day *knock on wood* over a cardiac arrest. Although again I believe you are talking extremes. I'm gonna end this debate since my profession is being attacked and choose to take the high road and not scrutinize and attack anyone's lively hood, lifestyle, or ability to provide for their family out of respect for *insert mutual family members name here*

His reply to this:
The reason fitness in not on the charts is due to the underlying causes which are. Such as low self esteem, insecurity, depression, and fears. All of which motivate people to fitness. The problem is it is the wrong motivation to start it. Fitness is healthy in moderation, excess will hurt.

And my finally reply: Well 10 years in the industry, and other than in the bodybuilding industry which can be extreme and not what is being discussed I've yet to see all these negative side effects in my experience or formal education... SHOCKER. I'll end with this :"Obsessed is just a word lazy people used to describe dedicated." And again its not just related to fitness. Good luck trying to prove we don't need exercise I'll be waiting to read the accredited article!! Why don't you look up statics on obesity and depression and see how that relates.

The original poster and I did talk in private and decided we both got a little hot headed and needed to let it go, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't shocked and hurt by the main statement about me making a living off of insecure woman. This is the EXACT OPPOSITE of what I do. And to be grouped in that is something I will fight to NO END. I'm sharing this because I want people to understand what a fit healthy person is dealing with for objections. Who would dislike a healthy person you'd think? But its very common and my clients are even experiencing this. This morning I was talking to one of them who knew NOTHING about this and she shared with me:  and its the perfect ending to PROVE my point of this blog! The pic on the left is a pic of her meds she was on after her heart surgery, she said they couldn't figure out what was wrong so were just treating the symptoms that they could. The pic on the right are the meds she takes now!! After simply changing her lifestyle!!  And ONE of them they will be able to drop once she has an extended period of recorded time of low blood pressure. And I know she will because I had to send Donna HOME from bootcamp once because her blood pressure was TOO LOW and she needed her meds adjusted!! This my friends is not just "how I make my living" but what makes me FEEL good at night when I lay my head down on my pillow! I'm no "guru" I'm no "magic worker" I give them the tools, the knowledge, and the motivation - YOU HAVE TO DO IT FOR YOURSELF!! And yes these women become a part of my life! Donna is ALSO enrolled back in school and she texted me early January to share that we had both made Dean's list! I was so proud of both of us! I know how hard it is to fit in health and fitness and work and school and a house and kids... we're living it together!

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Here was what Donna had to say about boot camp and negativity towards it: "I get mad at people when they say you don't need to go to boot camp, I like it, it's part of my life now & I have learned so much that will stay with me forever. I had posted those on my page before & wrote now tell me I haven't done right for myself by going to boot camp & changing my eating and cooking of food thinking that I shouldn't go to boot camp & I should change the way I eat. Some people are jealous so throw negative stuff at you so I got mad, that's hat I was saying about people trying to bring u down with negativeness. Thing is I don't even diet anymore. If I want something I still have it I just know when is a better time and I'm not a big portion person. I can also have a piece of chocolate etc & stop @ 1. I had the will power to do it but seriously I listen to everything you are saying to everyone not just me so I've learned a lot."




 




Sunday, February 10, 2013

Tapping into a culture of growth, passion, fun, and integrity!!

So one of my business goals for 2013 was to search to bring on products available to my clients in my program. My clients have always taken protein drinks/shakes/smoothies... post workout bars/ snack protein bars etc. anyway. They have been tools I use in their nutrition to get in all their needs and make their lives easier and it becomes easier for them to stay on plan and get results. Normally I just give them a break down of ingredients or requirements and they find something that fits those requirements. Well as of lately I have been having more inquiries about products that they want to have... just to mention a FEW: the KIND Bars that starbucks sells that are advertised as HIGH PROTEIN - with only 4 g of protein in them. I had another client who LOVED another package of biscuits that too were advertised as HIGH PROTEIN and the macro breakdown was 230 Calories, 8g of fat, 36g of carbs, 11g of sugar, and 4 g of protein!! Grinds my gears!! ;) Not my clients, but the way these companies MARKET their products to woman. If you have been on a Body Definition Plan you know these macros are backwards to what a breakfast on plan would be! But I understand that my clients are looking for something that's quick and easy and tastes good and does the trick. I realized this year I was doing a disservice to my clients to not really research and find a product to offer that will align with their goals and my philosophies. ALL NATURAL being of importance, HIGH protein, GOOD TASTE, high quality products! I have researched quite a few, in fact being in this industry I have been contacted by quite a few consultants as well and that really turned me off to the process. I knew that if I wanted to be behind a product, it would not be as THIS PRODUCT IS MAGIC... but instead that this product is used in conjunction with the programs.

So as I said I have set out over the last few months to research. This pass week I did my final pull and I attended a seminar with an MD who backs these products and specializes in natural treatments, remedies, and cures. Never have I been to a nutrition seminar and heard a doctor speak about pre-workout/post workout nutrition. How to raise human growth hormone and lower cortisol. He spoke about the most important thing to losing weight which was LIFTING WEIGHTS and intervals - I KNEW this was the company for me! I was def impressed!! Nice to not hear someone pushing Kashi, peanut butter and soy as high protein! Or telling everyone that if they just go for a walk and get active they will lose weight. While I fully believe that there are stepping stones to fitness and that each step towards a healthier decision is a good one. Its important that I know the basis of a RESULTS driven program is built on the same fundamentals of my program! And to top it off I found these products through one of the TOP fitness coaches in the country - Mrs. Cathy Savage!!  Cathy Savage is an icon in the fitness industry! Amazing business woman, who happens to be hilarious, with a heart of gold! If you are not familiar with the fitness industry just pick up an OXYGEN fitness magazine and you'll see her and her clients plastered all over the pages!! Or you can spot her on MTV, or if you've ever seen Fitness America - those are her girls!! She's everywhere! I'm a firm believer that with hard work, dedication, and integrity, the sky's the limit! And this woman embodies this!! Very lucky to call her a friend! I had the pleasure of attending one of Cathy's camps back in 2005 and her spirit is just something you NEVER forget. Inspiring seems inadequate to describe it! But Cathy's programs were working well BEFORE these products, these products have just ENHANCED her programs! And that is exactly what I am looking for with my business!

So I am formally announcing Isagenix as the official product of Body Definition Programs.

Does that mean that my plans will change and every client has to use them? NO. Does it mean you have to use the products to get results with Body Definition? NO. We've already proven Body Definition Clients can get results. What it means is I now have a product to offer that fits my clients needs IF they so choose to incorporate them. You know how I normally send you a pic and somewhere to go to find products and often you cant find them OR the stinking sales associate accidentally sells you SOY instead of WHEY (ugh!happened a few weeks ago) well now that will no longer be an issue. I am an associate with Isagenix and have my own site with my husband who has a business background in sales and all will be available.

The beauty of this is even if you are not a client, with ordering the products through me you are not just getting products and saying here go... because I'm trying to build the business I am setting people up on the systems properly and giving workout advice/protocols as well. So its almost like getting a program for the products. I wont always be able to offer this but since I want to start it out right its a win/win! Let me know if you have any questions. I'm setting up consults even if you want to personalize products to your goals/budget!! You will NEVER EVER EVER hear me say take these and you'll lose fat and gain muscle VOILA! And what impressed me about the results given at the seminar by the M.D. and other fitness professionals is they ALL said that it was a COMPLETE transformation including workouts and commitment.. NOT just "miracle products!".

We LIVE for my family, We LOVE Health and FITNESS, and We are ALWAYS learning how to balance it all. Isagenix just fit perfectly into this! As some may or may not know I am a Certified Personal Trainer, Insured, CPR/FIRST AID/AED Certified at the medical level, with over 8 years training experience and competing in natural Figure competitions - winning 3 natural PRO CARDS by the age of 25. My business Body Definition - Where I encourage every client to DEFINE WHO YOU WANT TO BE in every aspect of their life: offers Personal Training, Nutrition Counseling, Boot Camps, Contest Prep, Stage Presence, Posing, Posing Routines- In Home Programs, Online Programs, One on one, Small Group, and Nutrition Seminars. On top of that I am completing my degree in Exercise Science this year 2013 and continuing to grow my business with the help of my husband Ernie who is also very passionate about health and Fitness and in love with the products!

Our philosophies on fitness have always been: The key to a true positive life-style change is to make fitness & healthy living a major priority in our lives. Find a program that realistically fits into your life, and set attainable goals accordingly. THE KEY TO RESULTS IS CONSISTENCY & INTENSITY!!
My goal is to help every single one of my clients achieve their goals and be successful & happy.
Since NUTRITION is of utmost importance in our programs, we realize today's current lifestyles do not always allow for us to make it a priority. Even our own lifestyle has changed so drastically with all of our responsibilities and three children that it became unrealistic for us to cook, prepare, and eat 6-8 meals a day the way we use to. So we sought out products that align with our beliefs, are reputable, natural, safe, and that we can offer in addition to our Body Definition programs. They are just more TOOLS to reach our goals! We researched MANY products and opportunities and Isagenix is where our lifestyle and mission fits best! We love the products, the results, and KNOW Isagenix is committed to our success by offering us the opportunity to live a healthy, clean, and lean lifestyle—and to create additional wealth while doing so, and inspire other to do the same!


The more we put into our lives the more we get out of it. As I’m sure you will see fitness and healthy living is a main staple in my life, I not only preach it, I practice it. When you feel good, you look good, and when you look good, you feel good.

DEFINE your body and DEFINE WHO YOU WANT TO BE.



HERE IS OUR OFFICIAL WEBSITE: http://bodydefinition.isagenix.com/us/en/custom_landing.html

But we encourage everyone to CONTACT us via email or phone to discuss a program BEFORE just purchasing! That way you can be set up for ultimate success!!

As you all know I would never preach something I myself didn't practice, so I have been kinda hush hush since starting the products because I wanted to make sure I fell in love with them! My husband Ern has started on them as well and he's mostly intrigued by the INGREDIENTS and taste! When you are nutrition nerds like us you really appreciate a solid product when you try one! In addition I will be fully sharing my journey and really breaking down how I use the products to everyone and the benefits. I will be video blogging a little challenge I am entering TODAY either weekly or biweekly for 12 weeks. When I was at the seminar I also met one of the guys who won the isa challenge and honestly am helping anyone who wants to do it! So if you're really thinking about doing something this may be the way to go! I'll coach you through! He won $25,000 and dropped 125lbs!! You may not have that much weight to lose but it will be fun and challenging to do and  its not just total weight loss that wins its a whole package and either way getting into better shape for summer is a prize in and of itself!! I just started the 9 day cleanse yesterday myself and am ready to get in on the challenge today! I may not have a lot to lose but I can def get leaner... going for abs back for summer!! So make sure to follow along as I break my program down each week and my results!!

http://isabodychallenge.com/