If you have ever met me, serene is the LAST word you would ever use to describe me. I talk fast, walk fast, move fast, think fast, I even sleep fast! I have trouble slowing down. Before my 26th birthday I was forced to slow down. At the time I thought it was ridiculous. Why would I want to slow down? People say they wish they could bottle my energy, wish they could get as much done in a day as I can, why would I want to take that away? But trust me, a hyperactive brain, drive, and motion has its down falls, and I experienced it first hand. Your body and mind can only handle so much. And serenity is actually a prized possession for someone like me, and needs to be treated as such. It was, and remains a tough lesson for me to learn. In this fast paced world you would think the one who cleans their house the fasted is the best, right? The one who works the most and makes the most money wins, right? The one who can get her whole “to do list” done before noon time is an amazing super mommy, right? That's the way I THOUGHT - but it’s so far from the truth.
The serenity prayer is also something I never really thought much about until 2008. I don't even think I took the time to think it, say it, or let it sink in. In fact I use to Mock it with the saying: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off!” haha I'm telling you I was a stubborn stubborn mo fo. :)
But now I TRULY APPRECIATE THOSE WORDS: THE REAL WORDS:
In my 28 years on this planet I have been through A LOT, more than most would imagine. I am incredibly blessed, but not without my fair share of obstacles. And after a major meltdown yesterday because of some frustrating news and a conversation with my husband and father, something hit me - my aha moment. I can handle pretty much ANYTHING THROWN AT ME. I've had horrible pregnancies young, sick babies, tragedies, serious illnesses in my family, health troubles, economy troubles, financial worries, and I don't really break down for much, in fact I RARELY, RARELY, do. So yesterday when I was so frustrated I couldn't even see straight: the words flowed out of my mouth before I even had a chance to think about them, I Said: "THE ONLY TIME I AM EVER SO STRESSED I CAN"T STAND IT IS WHEN SOMETHING IS COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONTROL AND THERE"S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT." And my husband and father sat there quietly, didn't say a word for a minute and then they both thought the same thought, almost talking over each other. "That's THE ONE TIME you shouldn't be stressed, because there is really NOTHING you can do." my ahaaaaa - why is my brain so ass backwards. Don't have enough money - doesn't stress me, it means work harder or spend less. Sick babies, it means take them to the best doctors and take care of them the best you can. Serious illness - it means again same thing best doctors and fight it. Tragedies - it means stay strong, and wait for time to heal. I'm not saying I'm perfect but all these obstacles I can and have overcome fairly easily - but tell me there's something I can do NOTHING about, and that's when my strength dwindles, and frustration takes over. It is just "how I'm wired". It goes back to a virgos need for perfection and control yada yada.
But last night I realized it very strongly and now know it’s another working point in my life. Serenity may come easy to some, but I am not those "some", and I am well aware of that. "Letting things go" comes easy to some, but again, I can only dream of being that easy going. As I age and mature, it is a process of simply "defining who I want to be". Neurotic is only good for so long and in CERTAIN settings, but in everyday life and with my family - I'm trying to appreciate, and realize I simply have to work at what I want, and let go of what I simply cannot control.
With that being said lets talk about the TOLL that stressing really takes on your body. Now I am not exaggerating when I say I do not stress much, at least I really try not to let much get to me. I mean I have the normal day to day stress, but not the OMG I want to cry, or punch someone in the face stress often. I've always thought life is simply just to short to be miserable and or stressed all the time. Last night after stressing for a few hours over something I literally can do nothing about, my body hurt. I felt like I had been in a fight, I was exhausted, my head was pounding beyond belief, and I was just lethargic. How is that productive? How is that a way to live?
Now scroll through your face book statuses - is there someone who is always dramatically frustrated with life:
"why me?!"
"What else could possibly go wrong?"
"Life's not fair."
"Work sucked so bad, I have the worst migraine."
"I just want to be alone."
"I just need to win the lottery."
"I need a vacation."
Or that person that every time you talk to them their life is falling apart. I'm not saying we don't all have our days when we need to VENT because we do, and we are fully allowed to without judgment. And I’m not trying to single anyone out. But really think of those who CONSTANTLY seem like their life is one big catastrophe. Now think of their health, their lifestyle habits, and their disposition... get where I'm going with this? Or do I need to draw you a picture? Life is as hard as WE choose to make it. Sometimes it’s complicated. Some are more blessed than others. But STRESS is ONE of the absolute WORSE things you can do for your body and mind. Your attitude and perception totally CHANGE the way you react to difficult times. It is why I take care of my body from the inside/out and am so passionate about teaching others to do the same. I say the gym and a healthy lifestyle is my prozac, and it’s VERY TRUE. Without it I would be a complete and TOTAL HOT MESS - not just a slight hot mess ;). Below is a SONG that will wrap this blog up PERFECTLY - yes its country - bare with me even if you don't like country and just LISTEN TO THE LYRICS!!! VERY TRUE and needs to be said MORE OFTEN:
Sounds like Life to ME, ain't no fantasy. Just a common case of everyday reality. Man I know it's tough but you gotta suck it up. To hear you talk you’re caught up in some tragedy... It sounds like life to me!
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