There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and believe it or not a fine line between humility and meekness. Being humble is a character trait that keeps those successful so down to earth and likable. And being cocky is a character flaw that forces those to not only despise the arrogant prick, but also wonder if they truly believe what they are selling or if the old saying "If you have to tell someone how great you are, you're probably not really that great to begin with." stands true.
This is the fine line: If you look up humble you may see: not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive. But what if you are not haughty, but are proud? And what if you are not arrogant but are assertive? Fine line? huh? Finer than you thought. But look up confidence and you may see: belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance: THIS IS THE WORD WE ARE GOING TO FOCUS ON! How people interpret that confidence is their problem not yours. The VOICE in your head, the voice that tells you YOUR WORTH - that is your concern!
Now as the competition season is approaching THIS is my focus, with myself, with my clients, with my posing clients. PORTRAY CONFIDENCE. PORTRAY "IT"! What is "IT"? The last picture I posted was of myself walking down a runway for a modeling event and the quote was "No matter what a woman looks like if she is confident, She is Sexy." Did I just call myself sexy? Like OUT LOUD? SERIOUSLY? Isn't that arrogant?!?! Well no. I FEEL GOOD IN MY SKIN, I'm not saying I'm the next Giselle! Ummm no, hello I'm 5'3 have a distinct greek nose and STRETCH marks that aren't going anywhere - haha I'm a realist, however I am confident that I FEEL GOOD and when that happens I portray CONFIDENCE. Little side note to that gig, I did strictly to get my STAGE CONFIDENCE back before getting on stage. I mean it was paid, and it was fun, but I had also just delivered the boys about 7 months prior, and was planning to compete again soon and hadn't been on stage or in front of a crowd in over two years, so I booked a couple modeling gigs to get my feet wet again and it worked. Sometimes everyone's confidence just needs a little kick in the pants. AND I was BY FAR the SHORTEST GIRL at that event, which I'd be lying if I said that didn't mess with my head a bit, but hey just fake it LOL
Why am I writing this blog then? Because instilling confidence in clients, in friends, in family, in YOUNG GIRLS etc is NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE NOW A DAYS. I find above ANY challenge with training people, raising children even, this is of UTMOST IMPORTANCE. Building confidence, TRUE confidence, not a false bravado will shape how your life unfolds. Armed with confidence, a good attitude, and strong work ethic you can never truly fail.
Pink (whom I love) has a new song out called Perfect and one line says: "change the voices in your head... Make them like you instead." You think this is just a catchy song? You think that line doesn't impact SO MANY woman, young, old, skinny, fat, tall, short. Of course it does! I am just as guilty as the next as being intimidated by choices because I am not confident I can follow through, I am afraid to fail. I am just as guilty as the next as not being able to take a compliment and just say thank you, without feeling a need to make it light hearted and knock myself a little.
As my goal is to remain humble and kind, I strive to not cross that line to meek. Think of yourself... would you consider yourself meek? BE HONEST. Wanna see some scary definitions? 1.humbly patient or docile, as under provocation from others. 2. overly submissive or compliant; spiritless; tame.3.Obsolete . gentle; kind.
SPIRITLESS AND OBSOLETE... ouch! Those ones really sting true. Do you ever want to be considered either of those? Would you ever want to raise a child in those blueprints? SPIRITLESS AND OBSOLETE? Can you think of any two more empty feelings than those? This is why I'm obsessed with confidence through fitness. Some people are just born with IT, others have to work at it, but either way you have to not only obtain it, but maintain it. Through weight gains, through job losses, through divorce, through deaths, through illness, through turmoil. It is not always easy but it a CERTAIN STRENGTH that is necessary IMO. OK now I'm starting to get too deep LOL that is for another blog. BUT CONFIDENCE that is what our focus is. Now I simplify it to competing because literally I say to every competitor I work with IF YOU DON"T BELIEVE YOU DESERVE THIS, YOU WILL NEVER CONVINCE ANYONE ELSE TO BELIEVE IT! But can that not carry through to other aspects in life? Dating (yeah I went there- KNOW YOUR WORTH), a job interview - ummmm staple rules - shake hands strongly, speak clearly, make eye contact - all signs of confidence, and really it can be applied to ANYTHING IN LIFE.
"Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance."
So with that being said if you are planning to compete and want help with POSING and Stage PRESENCE this Happens to be an area I am EXTREMELY COMFORTABLE WITH!
However, I will say the focus will ALWAYS BE CONFIDENCE ABOVE EVERYTHING ELSE BECAUSE THIS SHINES THROUGH ON STAGE!!
Where did this all come from? Well things hit me at different times andas weird and as simple or shallow some of those times are I try to turn it into something bigger than a line in a song LOL While training legs this past weekend a Justin Timberlake and 50 cent song came on my ipod. Kinda inappropriate but STILL I loved this line: "Now it might Sound cocky, but is it really cocky if you know that its true?"
So when the voice in your head says I CAN WIN, I WILL WIN, I CAN GET THAT JOB, I WILL GET THAT JOB, will you believe it? You cannot fool yourself either, you believe it or you don't. "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right."
As I was googling definitions this actually came up and I think its worth sharing. For some you may go Duh? Common Sense, or oh goodness Steph's really getting suzy sunshine with "self help" now too LOL... BUT really read all fifteen points and let them set in. No one is perfect and this breaks down a lot of what I was speaking about, and number 15 well that's my weakness. I was just given great advice recently and it was blunt and simple: "YOU THINK TOO MUCH!"
http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence
Steps to Building Self Confidence:
1.Recognize your insecurities. What does that voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you ashamed of yourself? This could be anything from acne, to regrets, or friends at school. Whatever is making you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name, and write it down. You can also tear up these written pieces to eliminate negativity and start feeling positive on those points.
2.Talk about it with friends and loved ones. Wear it on your sleeve. Each day you should chip away at it; wear it down. There's no quick fix. Get to the root of the problem; focus on it and understand that you need to resolve each issue before you can move on. And that doesn't mean you have to get rid of whatever makes you feel bad (many times, you simply can't). You need to learn to accept yourself, your past, your circumstances as they are, without necessarily thinking of them as "bad". Keep in mind that we tend to bring about what we think about, so try to focus more on what you have as opposed to what you may lack.
3.Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road.
4.Identify your successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you've declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized. Express yourself, whether it's through art, music, writing, etc. Find something you enjoy. Everyone is born with talents and strengths. You can develop and excel in yours. If it's difficult to name two or three things you have some ability in or just plain love to do, think about things others do that you would like to do too and take some lessons or join an enthusiasts club. When you're following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self confidence. Plus, adding a variety of interests to your life will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends!
5.Be thankful for what you have. A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.
6.Be Positive, even if you don't feel the same way. Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior--they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction. One important things is just: don't overdo it. Don't exagerate. Try to speak about yourself from a neutral perspective, so that you stay realistic about what you can do and cannot.
7.Being realistic is of paramount importance. Because neither should you think less of yourself, nor should you think that you are better than you really are. That is indeed a very difficult thing to do, but the thing is this: with an unrealistic view of your skills and your personality you might get a harder time being socially accepted, because you think you do things in one way, while others perceive them in another.
8.Accept compliments gracefully. Don't roll your eyes and say, "Yeah, right," or shrug it off. Take it to heart and respond positively ("Thank you" and a smile works well).
9.Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.
10.Fake it. Along the same lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actually make you believe it. Pretend you're a completely confident version of you; go through the motions and see how you feel!
11. Stick to your principles. It might be tough, but if you don't have something you can believe in, you don't have anything. If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. No matter what's happened in your life, you can always lay claim to the fact that from this day forward, you've followed your principles to the best of your ability.
12. Help others. When you know you're kind to the people around you, and are making a positive difference in other people's lives (even if it's just being kinder to the person who serves you coffee in the morning), you'll know that you are a positive force in the world--which will boost your self confidence. Just recognizing who or what you're like inside will help you become that on the outside. Exercise helps you build strength and confidence, increases libido, and has many other positive effects.
13. Always keep a smile on your face, that will build a lot of self-confidence.
14. Share your knowledge & your experience with others.
15. Don't over think it. Most people become insecure when they begin paying too much attention to what they are doing and the reactions to people around them. This can make people feel more self- conscious about their actions. Just be yourself and don't care about what other people think. Really, they are more focused on themselves then what you are doing.
And while I'm at it, here is my leg workout from Saturday - I always have to preface with: I put up workouts with weights to give people an "idea" for programs. Goals and weights vary according to individuals. What's heavy for me, may be light for you and visa versa. I may be lifting with PERFECT FORM and you may be going more for weight on the bar, so NUMBERS are all relative. But I think important for those trying to gauge, so that's why I share them here - like a journal.
Walking Lunges 3 sets of 10 30lb BB X10, 40lb BB X10, 50lb BB X10
SUPER SET w/
Leg Extensions 3 sets of 8 85 X8, 100 X 8, 130 X8
4 sets of 10 reps Narrow Stance Leg Press 270 X 10, 360 X10, 410 X10, 460 X 8
3 Sets 8 reps leg curls 90 X 8, 110 X 8, 120 X 8
SUPER SET w/
One legged Squats 30 X 10 each leg, 30 X 10 each leg, last set had to drop to 25 X 10 - yes I died
Stiff leg BB deadlifts 95 X 10, 95 X 10, 95 X 10
SUPER SET w/
Step Ups on bench (slow and controlled coming down but no weight) 3 sets od 10 each leg
Followed this with 45 minutes on the elliptical!
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