Ok, this may come off as a rant, and its not intended as so. Well kinda, but less harsh than a rant per say. I'll try my best to keep my "tone" in check. Now this was actually sent to me particularly by another fitness mommy friend. We were just simply discussing it and then she kinda blew up when she found out these women where going to be on GOOD MORNING AMERICA and sent me a message saying YOUUUUUUU should be on good morning America with your message! You should write to them? etc. And she responded on the article. I chose to blog instead because that is what my blog is for - my personal vent, my opinions, etc. And clearly that is what everyone's own blog is for as well... so I will start by saying this is from someone's own blog, they are entitled to their own opinions as well and the message they are sending.
This is the original post: "Goddess Gatherings" http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ct-working-moms/post-baby-body_b_1620181.html?show_comment_id=163868816#comment_163868816
Now let me start by explaining my fitness friend Michelle who was rubbed wrong by this. You're probably thinking she must be a bleach blond, super tan, big boobed competitor who was offended right? Because she maybe popped out one kid and looks super model gorgeous after. haha even if this would true her argument would still be valid but it couldn't be further from the truth. In fact I would say you will probably have a hard time finding a more ALL natural, involved. fit momma than her. All natural, vegetarian, non vaccinating, homeschooling, green smoothie drinking from a mason jar, attachment parenting, furniture restoring, on demand breastfeeding, co sleeping, animal rescuing, birthed her babies at home, FIT MOMMA!! And if you followed my blog you will see these may be a little more extreme for my personal taste with my family but I say IF IT WORKS for you, and your family is HEALTHY and HAPPY more power to you. I have utmost respect for people who do their own research, educate themselves and find their OWN way, even if its not MY WAY. But I point out the type of women Michelle is because up her in New England we may call this (and Michelle I know you wont take offense to this) but "crunchy granola" and with this "type" of style the image is very much "embrace your body", love the skin your in, and being connected to your spiritual well being and loving yourself from the inside out. So how does that mantra go with the fact that Michelle has a flat stomach WITH abs, tone arms, and loves to lunge to lift her booty? Especially after having 3 babies and spending so much time focusing on her all natural upbringing of her children. If you're wondering what her stomach looks like and I know you are... here it is, and she has diastasis recti which many get tummy tucks for but she just eats clean consistently and works out intensely (who woulda thunk)...
Well because LOVING the skin you're in does not have to mean SETTLING to some fate that once you have children you are stretched and worn and doomed to look like your only job on this planet was to procreate. You can love your body, and love your family and still STRIVE to achieve a better body. That doesn't make you vain or selfish, that in itself can be empowering! I believe self esteem has to be taught for some, sometimes from experiences good and bad. But like anything else in life it takes working at it. I truly believe fitness is a good starting point because it is saying to yourself "I am worth my own time." "I am worth taking care of first." And it makes you ask yourself what do I want out of my body? If its to be strong, lean, have babies, run, athletic, whatever it is... When making a vow to be fit you are telling yourself I AM WORTH ALL OF THAT.
I AM WORTH WHATEVER I WANT
TO BE.
It doesn't happen overnight. But the message of just saying: These are our bodies after babies. No matter what we do they have changed so lets run for the ice cream. The only people who can look great after babies are celebrities because they have the $$ to do so... is a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE MESSAGE TO SEND.
This is sad to me, not empowering at all. The idea of the gathering itself is not a bad idea per say... women coming together and rejoicing in what their bodies can do and celebrating them, good for them, not my cup of kumbaya tea but more power to them if that's their thing. I actually made my passion of teaching women how to strive to be better in all aspects of their life starting with fitness, a career :
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=420237494687745&set=a.228373523874144.65510.228354487209381&type=3&theater
And for the last two years have been getting about 10 women together twice a week... and we "confidence build" through teaching them how to workout properly, eat properly, and learn their own worth! And the side effect is that they look better, feel better, and are healthier!! Maybe we should start calling them Goddess Parties! Oooops watching the tone ;) They don't need to run to wine and ice cream (well soemtimes but thats for a cheat NOT solace) and they do not need to justify their excuses by wallowing in the "woe is me I'm not a celebrity with a boat load of money so I can't do or have what I want." I wouldn't allow such wallowing at my boot camp ;) That's more my cup of tea, but to each their own. I have clients who are teachers, nurses, stay home moms, biotechnologists, work two and three jobs, are celebrating 25th wedding anniversaries, in their 50s... REGULAR people. CHOOSING to challenge themselves to get fit!
One of my clients wrote the other day and it so touched me: "Steph, You're like my daily inspiration! I sign on to see what amazing advice you'll give today - I didn't know I was getting so much with my bootcamp enrollment! THANKS!"
The thing that really bothers us fit mommas with this message is the negative undertone of inadequacy in comparison to celebrities, that is appalling and sad. It sounds like a bunch of little girls sitting around reading magazines and WISHING they looked like the girls in them. I am sorry but we are grown adults, we know what photo shop is, we know they have lots of money at their dispense, so this is NOT NEWS. US wanting to look like them is our own insecurities, its not their problem. Sitting around WISHING they had celebrities lives, money, or bodies. When a full grown adult says "I WISH" in a serious statement it makes my skin crawl... you have the power to DO, not WISH.
Have they ever taken a step back and though that they have worked hard to get where they are? That they have made sacrifices and overcome obstacles to get to their level? Have you ever thought that will all the money in the world it still takes will power, drive, and determination to look the way that they do after children. Have you ever thought that they worked for it? Have you ever thought to build STRENGTH from that instead of pity or jealousy? Why do women especially (although its prominent among falsely over confident men as well - newsflash guys true people can see through it and it just looks sad) feel a need to knock something else in order to raise themselves up. I have always had some favorite celebrity role models, they of course have all been fit celebrities, but celebrities I think have balance as mothers in their lives. Celebrities I feel are comfortable in their own skin, natural, real. Kelly Ripa, Faith Hill, Elizabeth HasselBack and even now new Momma Pink - her recent breastfeeding pic and views on attachment parenting really hit me: http://blogs.babycenter.com/celebrities/06202012-pinks-breastfeeding-pic-is-simply-stunning/... and moved me to feel "Some women have such a subtle confidence that it moves you. Supporting what you love instead of knocking what you don't takes class and wit that only few possess ♥" So in going with that message I am trying not to knock the blog entirely. I think the INTENT was good, but I also STRONGLY believe there is a MORE EMPOWERING stronger fit message out there to be given to Moms.
It is: YOUR BODIES BELONG TO YOU. Your choices belong to you. Your family belongs to you. AND YOU DETERMINE WHAT YOU WANT TO BE - on the outside and on the inside. Of all the rights of women I do believe being a mother is the greatest. I love and am SO thankful for my husband of almost13 years! And my children are the greatest gifts EVER given to me, I have been a mother my entire adult life, its all I know its who I am. But loving yourself independent from Mom and Wife allows you to love them more!! True confidence and knowing your worth will radiate into your love for others! I see many mothers living a life of resentment instead of gratitude, and a lot of that stems from having lost themselves in the process, having listened to messages like these that are back sided - on the one hand it says yes embrace your new life/body but on the other hand it says Moms are doomed to post baby bodies and it is what it is. Everyone is allowed to live how they choose but lets not let someone tell us it is ok to use excuses like (since I'm not a celebrity I can't look like that) to justify our choices. I've been through chubby phases too and I own those as when I needed off time, it's all a choice. But I will represent my breastfeeding, stretch marked, no budget for personal chefs, body as many other fit mommas I know and be proud of what we work for even with three kids and real lives.
And I want to close with this... I have friends who are fit, beautiful and all. I also have friends who are not so fit, and not so beautiful. I have friends who are stay at home Moms, and I have friends who are full time working Moms. I have friends who are co sleepers and other totally against it. I'm friends with breast feeding mommas and formula mommas. I have friends who cook homemade Italian every night of week, and others who are all natural, all vegetarian. I have friends that own big beautiful houses and others that rent apartments. I do not judge people based on these choices or circumstances in their lives. I actually enjoy variety in people and learning things about them. When did motherhood/womanhood become such a great big pissing match in general? But that is an entirely different blog for a different day. I judge people based on if they are happy, positive, and really if they can make me laugh. I don't have strict criteria. Oh and if you have any connections that helps. I kid I kid.
Some references of pics and THE REAL ME :) This pic was taken by a photographer in Gloucestor Ma - At the time I had A 7 year old princess, and 11 month old twins who were delivered by c-section after a pregnancy of bed rest.
I was not in "competition shape" as in fact that is too lean and too little body fat for most photographer's ideal bikini pic's liking. I SPECIFICALLY (get this) asked the photographer to send me a CD of images WITHOUT airbrushing because at the time I was sending out these pics for other promotional jobs and it is recommended you send out the REAL you. I wanted companies to know I am a Mom, I have stretch marks THIS is what you are working with. You can CLEARLY see my stretch marks in this pic. But the point is I FELT great! I didnt need wine to loosen me up because I truly felt great! I didn't need to run to junk food for emotional support because I willl never have perfect skin again. I agree with the message of accepting that the beautiful gift of motherhood may change your body, but I do not agree that essentially just "letting yourself go" is the motherly thing to do. Sorry I will NEVER subscribe to that. I plan to be in the best shape of my life before I try to yet again GROW my family if that happens for us, and I plan to have a fitness goal afterwards as well.
This is me now: 5 years later, this was taken Sunday 6/24/12 just hanging out by the pool with my beautiful family. I have not stepped on stage since 2008. Running my business, back in college, raising my three beauties with my husband, taking care of our house, and continuing to grow as a person as a mother and striving to STAY FIT. If you think it must "come easy" for me think again... I need to dedicate a whole blog to my "chubby phase" but I kinda touch base on it here: http://fitmomma3.blogspot.com/2011/01/what-do-you-eat-how-do-i-eat-when-and.html
This was my mother's day blog some years ago and you will see not much has changed ;) : http://fitmomma3.blogspot.com/2010/05/happy-mothers-day.html
And for reference MY VIEWS remain through and through THIS IS ONE THING I REALLY LOVE ABOUT BLOGGING!!! Being able to look back and see my passion jumping off a page...
"My retaliation is because I am so sick as a woman of seeing the WARS between woman...Working vs Stay home, Breastfeeding vs. Bottle feeding, Co sleepers, vs Crib sleepers, Young Vs. Old. And the infamous Fat vs Thin. ENOUGH ALREADY. I have carried 3 children within my body, slept with them on my chest, nursed them, kissed tiny toes & wiped away tears. I have been puked on, peed on & spent sleepless nights cradling them. My body isn't magazine perfect (hate to break it to you magazines aren't real), but when I look in the mirror I do not see JUST A MOM, I see a beautiful women. I see strength, I see determination, I see laugh lines, I see stretch marks, I see the body of someone I can be PROUD OF. So lets stop copping out to "we are fat because we are cultured". We are a fat nation because we eat poorly, and do not exercise. We have a 34% obesity rate because we don't take care of ourselves. Embrace your curves as long as you know they are HEALTHY curves!" :http://fitmomma3.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2011-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&updated-max=2012-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&max-results=30
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