So we just got back from an amazing family vacation. We dance, we sang, we drank, we ate, we laughed, we loved, we played = SIMPLY PERFECT <3 Well my version anyways :) While we were there my husband and I also celebrated our 11th Wedding Anniversary!!! Very special to us to be able to share it in a warmer place (since we did get married in New England in the cold). The year we got married, 2000 it did not snow at all that winter until January 13th and then we got SLAMMED with a huge storm! We got married on January 15th... nuff said! But it was also very special for us to be able to share it with those we <3, our extended "village". My parents, My in-laws, my older brother and his wife, and our three beautiful children. I think what made it so special though was the simplicity of it. Just relishing in the fact that yes we are celebrating another year of marriage, but the years have seem to come and go so easily. And I say "easily" in a relative term. Our marriage has not been EASY - nothing with ME is EASY haha. But it has a pureness to it that makes it easy. I have a close friend and we were having this discussion the other day, and every time I give relationship advice, I get the same response from close friends. "While it's good advice and we agree, you and Ern are 'different', you and Ern are the exception to the rule, you and Ern LUCKED OUT." Hmmmmm did we really just luck out? Are most people not REALLY TRULY this HAPPY? Should I be waiting for my bubble to burst?
Well at one point in my life I was just waiting for it to burst. I mean I had an aunt tell me at my wedding "well this could be the first one". I looked for reasons things must be wrong, I looked for negatives, and looked just for a reason to say it was all wrong, I KNEW IT! Where we too young? Where we too stupid? This can't be true. There's no such thing as fairy tales and happy endings. I was just waiting for someone to once again prove to me that people are not always what they seem. I went through that phase for years. A series of events, tough events, bad events made me change, made me let down a wall I didn't know I had up, and Ern and I changed totally! As far as I'm concerned if it wern't for him we may not still be together right now and he totally SAVED ME FROM MYSELF. That phase hit full force and erupted around the age of 21 for me, so considering what I know of when people mature it's not too bad considering, BUT it could have ended a lot worse had I not been married to such a loving, patient, understanding man.
It wasn't that we didn't love each other before, it was just that we didn't love each other UNCONDITIONALLY as we did after these events. I never really think I believed in FOREVER when I first got married. And after this phase FOREVER was our only option. Hence when we decided we where ready to expand our family and voila Enter Villers Family of 5 circa 2006 and the rest is history :).
But people ask me as young as we are, how does it work? How do we really truly love each other so much and are so happy? And the honest answer I've come up with through various discussions is this: WE ARE RIDICULOUSLY, OBNOXIOUSLY HONEST WITH EACH OTHER. AND Always have been! That I am finding is VERY RARE in relationships. How many people act a certain way when they're dating only to put their best foot forward and impress the person to hook them? How many people keep secrets from their spouses? Vent to their girlfriends, but not their husbands? How many people have a best friend that is not their spouse. I'm not saying there is a right or wrong way to do things but OPEN 100% HONESTY has worked for us so far. You have to remember we were children (in our teens) when Ern and I started dating, and we were friends long before we started dating. I saw him have girlfriends, he saw me have boyfriends. There was not an ounce of fakeness there between us. Neither of us were trying to "hook" the other. We've always just been ourselves and that's exactly how we still are. My parents cringe at the things I say to him sometimes, but I always end it with "well it's the truth" LOL and he is the same way to me. It's not that we're disrespectful to each other (well most of the time :)). It's just with all the "acquaintances" we have in the world where we do have to act a certain way it's nice to come home to someone you CAN TOTALLY be yourself with and not be judged on it. Someone you can laugh with, someone you can confide in, someone you can share your deepest darkest secret with and know they safeguard it with their heart.
And without getting too mushy, lovey, dovey it helps that Ern is one of the most faithful, loving, respectful men I know. I always say if he ever breaks my heart he can proudly wear the crown of the man who broke my heart because I 1000% believe there is no one out there better for me!!! I don't know how such a nice kid got stuck with such a crazy b*tch LMAO! He definitely got screwed in that department. I am one the most indecisive, hyper, demanding, opinionated, people I know and somehow he LOVES IT! But on the flip side of that when he allows me to be all those things out comes my ideas, dreams, ambitions, motivations, and he just lets it flow. Ever heard the quote "If you can't handle me at my worst, than you don't deserve me at my best." The guy LIVES IT EVERYDAY!
When my brother toasted to us on our anniversary, he said to me quickly and nonchalant "And we'll do it again on your 22nd in double this time" And it made me smile, because I know its true. We will be that happy on our 22nd, and on our 33rd, and our 44th... because we WANT to be! Everything in life is a CHOICE you make. Sometimes marriage is easier to choose to keep than others. I don't believe we're "soul mates", I don't believe we're "perfect". In fact if you believe in God I think he created men and woman so completley opposite it's like a dirty joke to see who kills each other off first. LOL And ladies until you realize that simple fact it will be a long uphill battle. MEN ARE NOT LIKE US! AT ALL! They don't look like us, think like us, act like us, smell like us... NOTHING LIKE US! And I actually like it that way :) Maybe I'm old fashioned but I like my man to be a man. If you know me you know I am a strong WOMAN, however I like traditional roles to a degree. Not to be lesser or weaker, but to compliment each other. Everyone must bring something to the relationship, find what your something is, and make it work for you as a couple. Even if its completley non traditional, make it work for YOU. The sooner you stop worrying about what others are doing the sooner you can focus on you and grow.
Okay now I'm gonna share a song that again is SO RAW, PURE, And just one of those songs that touches me. Please don't read further into it than that. I have never been with a married man or been cheated on (as that's what the songs about) But its an anthem of strength! It also has a raw emotion that is captivating and it happens to be my favorite band. You have to not only listen to it and watch it but you have to watch it to the end because the song changes and I LOVE IT! Now why would I like this song? Well Other than I just do, as I mentioned Ern is one of the most faithful men I know. And if you have me on facebook you will see that although I don't follow pop culture that much I do indulge in the cardio TV E! gossip every once in a while and well the "perfect couples" husbands cheating piss me off... TIKKI BARBER not gonna lie wanted to shoot him in the eye with a bee bee gun when he left his pregnant wife for his girlfriend. And even though deep down I like Angelina Jolie I can't bring myself to fully like her cause this isn't the first time she "allegedly" broke up a marriage. And well Jesse James I loved watching him CRY on TV and Sandra Bullock being so strong and saying EFF you. Well Jesse James supposedly is engaged to the girl he cheated with and I found it funny that she's standing there smiling all proud with his rock on her hand. He openly said he was sorry to his wife, he openly said he made a mistake (SHE WAS THE MISTAKE) and that he wanted to get back with his wife, and when she wouldn't take him back he then decided to move on with the girlfriend. And now he's saying he's gonna "grow old" with her and she's buying it hook, line, and sinker. I cannot understand DUMB GIRLS. How does that story unfold? I can see the wedding speech now... "Well even though you cheated, lied, and sneaked behind your wife's back to get together, then you totally humiliated your family, broke them up, and tried to get back with your wife, we are so happy that your wife now would take your lieing cheating, crying, failed "rehab" leftover sloppy seconds ass and accept you for the man of her dreams. Congrats! To a long, beautiful marriage, or at least to a good run until something better comes along!"
Haha if you can't tell I hate cheaters! And all parties involved, yet I do LOVE this SONG... so ENJOY!! And the last note of a good marriage: "If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything." Just sayinnnnnn ;)
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